The Child I once Was

If the child I once was
Should see who I am
She’ll probably judge me
Look at me with disgust
Forgetting that she is me and I am her
Forgetting that it is because of her that I am who I am

If the child I once was
Should see who I am
She’ll probably be surprised that I have grown strong
She’ll ask me how I did it
She’ll admire my strength
Forgetting that she is me and I am her
Forgetting that it is because of her, I have found this strength

If the child I was once
Should see who I am
She’ll probably be amused at my growing humour
Most of them she might not understand
But she’ll know that I am funnier than she is
And wonder how I got such humour
Forgetting that she is me and I am her
Forgetting that it is because of her, I am learning to conceal things with laughter

If the child I was once
Should see who I am
She’ll probably be alarmed of how much hurt I have inside
Wondering how it is possible that I am still standing
And trying to see how she could heal
Forgetting that she is me and I am her
Forgetting that she is going through the same but doesn’t realise it

If the child I once was
Should see who I am
She’ll probably recognise me
Recognise the sweetness we both share
Our souls yearning to love and be loved
Our love for music
Our imaginations, hopes and dreams
Our want to make The Big Guy happy
But our inability to
Realising that she is looking into a mirror
And bittersweet about the change of times

 

You…

You…
Just you…
I don’t know how you found your way
Or who guided you
Or who led you
But I’m glad you came
To heal me
To put a smile on my face
To bring out a side of me that I didn’t know existed

Youu…
Just youu…
I don’t know how you saw me
Or who showed you
Or who made you turn my way
But I am glad you looked at me
And showed me joy
And showed me peace
And showed me that there was more to life than I thought

Youuu…
Just youuu…
Are special just the way you are
The way you smile
And your humour
And the way you look at me
Melts my heart everyday.
There is more to you
There is something special there that just pulls me in
And I am enjoying it.

I am taking it
One day at a time
Could be one more night
Or one more hour
Or one more day
Or one more month
Or one more year
Or ten more years
Only God knows
But I am enjoying it
And I am loving it
And I want it to go as far as it possibly can

Youuuu…
Just youuuu…
Are a dream come true

My light

Some people are not born to be happy

They are born to be great

I must admit, the first time I heard this statement

I was intrigued by it

It got into the deeper parts of me because I felt like it applied to me

Well about being great, that I don’t know for sure

but when it comes to not being happy,

Well, sometimes I feel like I am in that category

I enjoy putting a smile on the faces on the faces of others

It melts my heart and makes me feel warm

Knowing that I have somehow managed to make someone happy

Makes me feel like I have healed the world just a tiny tiny bit

I have struggled with my own happiness

There are days when I feel like enough is enough

And I start to wonder how better others will feel if I just took a bow

Personal happiness has just been really difficult for me to achieve

I don’t know why but it just hasn’t been easy

The worst part of it is that

When I finally feel like I am happy

When I finally start to feel content

When I finally start to feel like everything in my world is right

Someone, somewhere or something just decides to snatch it all away from me

Someone decides to just come and start taking away my light, my joy, my peace, my happiness

And sometimes I start to wonder why

I start to wonder where I went wrong

I know I’m not perfect

I am so far away from perfect

I know I struggle to be on God’s A team

But then, I am not that terrible

I mean, don’t I deserve some happiness

Just a bit of happiness

Why would someone want to take away everything

And make me start over 

I’m just tired

I am just so so tired

I am just hoping that I never get too tired