Stuck

Have you ever felt stuck?
When I say stuck, I don’t mean being caught by something and can’t move and you have to cry for help and stuff like that.
I mean, being in a position whereby you don’t know what you want, how you want it, when you want it and stuff like that and you literally want to stab yourself because you don’t seem to have vision or inspiration and you even start questioning your existence.
I am making it sound very dramatic but honestly and truly, that is how it really feels.
I am at a place where I am lost. I am not inspired. I do not know what I want and my future seems very very foggy.
I wake up in the morning and I do not know what to do. I am just lost.
So, I pick up my iPad or my pen and I try to write something down but it’s like my heart and brain have finally agreed on one thing and that is..nothing.
I cannot seem to write anything down. I have ideas. I have stuff to write but I cannot think of how to write them
It is so frustrating. It keeps me up at night. It drives me nuts, crazy. I don’t know what I want to do with my life.
I had plans. Good plans for myself, for my future but maybe that’s the problem.
I made plans
I heard somewhere that if you want to make God laugh, show him your plans. Maybe that is what is happening to me. I don’t know. Anything to make me feel better.
I am just floating. I fought so hard to be able to study Journalism in uni and now I am studying it, I am suddenly afraid.
I can’t seem to keep up. I feel like a waste of space.
I want to do something different and life-changing but it isn’t coming.
I am just hoping that this year would be different.

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