Dolly Writes

Journey of a growing woman

Month: August, 2014


I remember the day I met you

It was one morning in Primary 4

You were the new kid

I had never seen anyone so dark and yet so handsome.

I had never met anyone as cocky and childish either.

You weren’t exactly the noisy type

But you weren’t quiet either.

You chose who you spoke to

And you decided that you only wanted to talk to your guys.

You became popular…fast.

Partly because you were really smart

And partly because, you were really charismatic.

Even though you were very picky with who you spoke to or associated yourself with,

You still managed to get a lot to people’s attention.

I remember when you started that really irritating habit that I so despised.

I know it was all child’s play but I didn’t think it was then.

If a girl touched you, you will brush it off with your hands.

And with time, all the other boys followed suit.

You know, it was for that reason Paul got in trouble once.

Maybe you don’t remember but I’ll remind you.

Remember that Creative Arts teacher we had at some point?

Yes…Miss Ijeoma.

She came to class one day with a bunch of Elementary Science Text Books.

We were about seventeen in class but she only had eight books

So we had to share.

She wanted us to draw a chicken that was in the book for class.

She told Paul to sit next to me so she could explain.

But he refused.


Because I was a girl.

And he didn’t want to sit beside me.

He got a bit rude

And he was sent to the headmaster’s office.

I also remember the day Belema stood up to you.

I always thought you had a crush on her anyway.

You just weren’t sure how to express it.

I mean how could you not.

She was a light skinned beauty.

And very sharp too.

She got angry with you one day because of this habit.

She flipped on you dude.

You defended yourself alright, but I don’t think you expected it.

I think that was the moment you changed.

It was a slow process but you eventually got there.

You started to talk to us all.

You had softened up a lot in Primary 5.

And of course, the boys behaved too.

And a lot of people really liked you. Myself included.

I knew that you were going to go places.

You were so full of light and promise.

On graduation day, you were the best graduating student.

I mean, they didn’t say that but it was pretty obvious.

I mean, you won most of the awards.

Not for a moment, did I think that the next time I would hear your name,

It will be with an ‘R.I.P’ next to it.

I remember the day I heard the news.

It was a few months after graduation.

December, to be precise.

I was still in school actually.

I was walking round my hostel and I felt like there was something wrong.

Then, I heard that there had been a plane crash.

Apparently, an airline called Sosoliso

That had been carrying more than a 100 Loyola Jesuit students had crash landed in Port-Harcourt and had left a lot of people dead.

At that moment, I had a flashback.

And I remembered you saying, you were writing exams to go to either Capital Science or Loyola.

As soon as I remembered that,

The first thing I said as I was walking round that hostel was:

‘I hope my friend wasn’t in that plane.’

I didn’t want to believe it was true.

And I didn’t.

Until I got home for the Christmas holidays

And everyone around me kept asking me:

‘Have you heard the news?’

Even then, I still didn’t want to believe it.

It finally dawned on me one day when I was reading the newspapers

And I saw some pages dedicated to those that had lost their lives.

Then I saw your name and your face beside it.

And I couldn’t believe what I was reading.

It’s been almost 9 years since this tragedy.

However, I never really felt the pain of your death until about three days ago.

You suddenly popped back into my memory.

I started checking Facebook to see if it was possible that maybe, somehow, you were there and alive.

I went searching for your name on Google and all I could see was your name on a list.

Boluwarin, you would have been 20/21 this year.

I really was looking forward to seeing the man you would become.

You were a very special person.

On graduation day, I saw the look on your mother’s face as you were given all your awards.

She was proud of her son.

She had every right to be.

She had had the honour of bringing something special and amazing into the world. YOU!.

Boluwarin Adeyemi, Keep on dining with the angels.

Rest in Peace and Paradise, My friend.



Hi everyone,

I just want to say a huge, massive thank you to all those who tuned in to the ‘WHO AM I’ series. I am super grateful and so humbled. When I thought of this, I actually didn’t think I’ll go through with it.

I thought it will be one of my many ideas that I start but never finish. However, thanks be to God. This was actually a success.

I’ll like to thank the amazing people that took the time to actually write something. Without you guys, I couldn’t have done this. Thanks for being so brave as to dig deep and share with us. You guys are so amazing and talented.

Thanks to everyone that came on the blog and read every post. You guys are super amazing and I love everyone that has actually done this. I am super appreciative. Thank you so much.

There will be more, I promise. Just be on the look out and I’ll do my best to keep on providing. Thank you very much.



I don’t exactly remember how I came across Lateefah’s writing but I am glad. She has made poetry so loveable in my eyes and don’t even get me started on her art. To round us off on this entire series, Here is Lateefah.


Lots of times I’ve asked myself questions like;
Who am I really?, what do people see when they look at me?

I am someone who most would describe as a bore, a snub,
I might come across as being too placid,
But I’m just reserved,
I’d rather be at the corner of a room,
Trying not to look too good or sound too wise,
I try to present a calm demeanour, belying my true emotions
Calmness resonates with each breath I take,

I let future plans worry me more than current preoccupation,
Thoughts bouncing around my head like pinballs,
Thinking through my actions to avoid complications or stress,
I am someone who neither foes nor family can hurt,
I try no to rely on anyone; the independent one,

I dare to dream,
A thirst for adventure close to my heart,
I want to love hard, laugh hard and travel freely,
Explore the world, wander aimlessly,
and live life like everyday is my last,
But of course life is far more complicated,
so I embrace all of my bad experiences,
And let it fuel my body and mind,
which helps me get stronger,

My reflection catches me off guard each time,
Each day I’m older, more experienced, stronger
Not quite where I want to be yet, but I can see changes,
My road map to success is not fully drawn,
I might have not fully found myself,
I’m satisfied with who I am at this point,
and the woman I’m trying to become.

I am creative, imaginative,
I am comfortable with change,reserved
I am Beautiful
I am me



Doyin is someone that is very close to my heart and has been for years. I could write a book on how amazing he is and how annoying he could be. Lol. But it’s better to hear from the horse’s mouth eh (not calling you a horse, Doyin).


Initially the answer to that question was, whoever you wanted me to be.

I had no unique identity really or much of a unique personality. I lived situatuion to situation, doing what i imagined was the morally right thing to do. Well, actually to be brutally honest I did, whatever brought as many peoples approval as possible, so essentially I was living for other people.

I guess at the time it didn’t really matter to me. But, as I clearly remember my dad telling me, “you just cant make everyone happy”. And he was right.

No matter how perfect the decisions you make are, there’s always gonna be the person or people you rub the wrong way. I slowly began to take this rather sad truth in, and eventually i realized that if I wasn’t acting up for someone, then I had no self to be.

In other words, I had no default setting. I began to sense that in even the most basic of things i had no trace of myself. For me, it felt like everything that I was up until that point had nothing to do with me.

So much so, that I couldn’t even make decisions on my own or explain my own thought process behind my actions. Then, I left home to go study abroad, and I this was the major turning point in my life. Why?, one word… Freedom.

All of a sudden, I was in a very hands-off society. 99% of the things that happened to me had to be decided by me. I was forced to man up and take responsibility for the direction of my life and of my actions, and so finally, all the cobwebs spun around my brain slowly began falling off. As I started to rely on myself more and more and till this day, I’m thankful to God for this blessing that brought me here.

Now, things are different. I’m still discovering myself and understanding what makes me different. I am working towards defining myself in full. But it still amazes me just how much I was simply just watching my life unfold.

I realize that there is a lot to live for, and once i began exploring myself, things began to change, starting from the core of my lifestyle outwards. So well, I guess that there are parts of me I do know very well already but still parts of me that are a mystery to myself. So, let me try again to answer this question to the best of my abilty now.

I am a relative unknown

And I am still evolving

But, I am a survivor

In short,




The first time I read something that Tomi wrote, I was blown away. It’s ridiculous how good he is. I love his work and I respect him as a person. This is Tomi


I am like the pronoun ‘I’.

I stand by myself in a world of ‘we’ and ‘them’.

But I love ‘we’ and ‘them’. I love us.

I am a force to be reckoned with in some of my daydreams;

In most of them, I am a fickle man-child trying to conquer fear.

Fear for tomorrow’s uncertainty, fear of public speaking,

Fear of unfulfilled expectations,

And ultimately, the fear of being afraid.

I am the one who awakens when the sun rises

And flirts with insomnia when the sun sets.

I am the giddy, optimistic, confused,

Often melancholic, sometimes doubtful,

Loved by Jesus, faith-consumed person.

I am less than what you think and greater than what I think.

In every description of myself, ‘I am’ is constant.

I am; that is what I am;

After ‘am’ is a variety of greatness and insecurities too many to mention,

Too complex to divulge.

My odyssey is to discover who I am.

I am.




Those that read my blog constantly probably already know who Akunna is. Writing brought us together and we have grown to be close friends who talk about almost anything. She is an outstanding writer and she is someone I love, respect and admire


Finding me

I’ve been on a quest to figure out who I am for quite some time now. Y’know, am I…
Emotional, not emotional?
Rude, compassionate?
Happy, sad?
Secretive, public?
Easy to read, evasive and difficult to figure out?

My journey wasn’t at all bad however the way that I came about it wasn’t particularly what I’ll recommend others to do. I have done all sorts of stupid things really. From spending over £200 at once on mac products (even though I knew nothing about makeup at the time) to diving deep into a relationship which I sort of lost myself in. Now, 200 may not be a lot of money to majority of you but, when you start to estimate the the price of one cup of garri prepped for drinking, you will understand my struggle. In between those extremes were a few things that I’d rather take to my grave.

It’s been a long road and this is supposed to be the part where I thank The Lord for allowing me figure out who I am. Eek false. I haven’t had any questions answered and it’s probably because none of the questions I’ve been asking ever really mattered in the first place.

I shouldn’t have said I haven’t gotten my answers in the previous paragraph because this post is supposed to talk about who I believe I am. Well, I’ll be sure to add that bit in at the end.

With a surprisingly large number of failed ‘love’ associations, a really short list of cooking recipes at the back of my mind and now a school record that shows everything but consistency, I wouldn’t blame you if you’ve decided to conclude that I have failed as a woman. To be more precise, failed as a lover, a future mother/wife and even possibly, a student. I must be such a waste of space huh? Well, I beg to differ…I am absolutely brilliant in a way that almost always messes up my life but, I didn’t choose this fabulous quality of mine.

For years and years, I looked at myself with the lowest possible amount of respect. I would stare in the mirror and loathe the image that stared right back at me because I only considered myself to be everything negative. Who was I at that point? I was an ugly, uninteresting excuse of a woman who lacked everything including a good enough brain to compete with the rest of her mates that were already ahead of her. This sounds like a joke now because, omg I’m simply amazing but that was me at the start of my journey. I had to learn to love myself, learn to appreciate me, learn to respect me, and ultimately learn to know who I really am.

I would love to share with you my discovery along this quest of mine because I really cannot keep it to myself. However, I grew to realise that none of the variable combinations of the 21 consonants and 5 vowels could really be used to describe me. But try, i must. Am I not beyond blessed? One thing I struggle with is writing how I feel in plain, basic sentences without rhyme or rhythm so, here’s yet another poem for you 🙂

I have ever so often tried to find myself in the boys that have once been my associates
But I am not the hand that lingers on my quivering body at night
I am not the eye that fails to see beyond my physical form

And then I realised that I could search high and low
Look through both the young and old
But I’ll never find who I really am without looking within my soul
So I started my year of exploration
It took me a while but time is nothing when there’s dedication

I am the pain in my soul
The tear drops streaking down my cheek
Each episode a little worse than the previous
I am emotions

I am the smile on my face
The fine lines that curve around my lips
The thoughts in my heart and voices in my head
The anger and tantrums and hurt that I bear
I am human

I am the lyrics to my favourite song
The tune which I have grown so accustomed to
The unique back and forth swaying of my hips
Memories which come flooding in
I am music

I am the sun that brightens up the world during the day
The moon which reveals destined paths at night
The wind ruffling the trees
From chilly ice hails to cool breeze
I am nature’s beauty

I am the unspoken words that diffuse through the walls of my heart
Sometimes inspirational yet miserable
Effortlessly writing down the unthinkable
From each alliteration, paradox and hyperbole used
It’s safe to say..
I am my own poetry

Above all things, I am me
I am not my ‘used to be’ not my past
I am who I currently am and all that I could be
All that I want to be
All that I will inevitably be
Confident yet humble
Fierce yet tamed
Overjoyed but composed
Although a sinner, ultimately blessed



I have known Mariam for almost three years now and she is just one of those people that I think I was destined to meet. We clicked right from the start and we understand each other so much. I can’t really stay mad at her no matter how much I try. I have seen her go through a lot and its just nice to hear her story. Please take your time and read.

As I lay down here, it’s seems as though it’s a heartbeat away from dawn so I’m listening to zombies in the dark, to ease the pain of the mind. If you think in depth that should be self explanatory enough.

I used to love to persuade myself to believe that I was a grounded well behaved God fearing little angel. Well actually I’m a mile end away from that.

One thing I’ve come to learn is that who I am is no longer important as I was unknowingly born into a self imposing world along with it’s back breaking ridiculous expectations.

I mean I have been defined by the basic guidelines of the expectations of a typical African family and mistake me not I appreciate it. But I have come to realise that my wings are a mile away from take off and this is because life wouldn’t simply let me be.

It is important to note that this is from someone that maybe be perceived as mildly perfect which I must say is rare and I acknowledge the positive effects of my perceived edge. So basically I’m a beauty with brains but without the academic backing.

It’s hard to understand how such an apparently beautiful girl that can make a room halt in silence and applaud her very speech and respect her sense of reasoning constantly finds herself in battle with her academic demons. I call this my academic battle with life, trust me I’m no Hercules in this battle field and I am no longer ashamed to say it. So I have been tagged the bad one because I struggle with school.

Please understand me perfectly I totally appreciate the values and essence of education and it baffles me as I don’t get the hang of it after more than 15 years of being in this beautiful system. So today I’ve decided to declare that I hereby refuse to be tagged an academic criminal because I know there’s so much more to me.

I am a beautiful nice young lady that goes the extra mile to see my neighbour smile and to be honest and if that doesn’t count for nothing then I refuse to be a zombie gradually losing her senses and internal beauty to failure.

Today though I have nothing to show for it and yes, I am grateful for my failures because they have opened my mind to many other avenues of survival, maybe marrying rich ( lol jokes ).

On a serious note I believe in my self and I have come to realise to not be a zombie you have to fight to prove yourself and that’s a battle I’m willing to take on.

So this pretty little miss with her cute little butt is no longer going to be defined by the system but now she can simply be rendered to as the lady trying to be happy. And that’s genuinely what I want to live my life for. My future henceforth be my definition.

So, you ask me Who I am? Well the answer is simple.




The thing you need to know about Luxury is that he is passionate about what he does and he is very hardworking. He is confident and he speaks wisely. Today, he gives us an idea of who he is in a short poem. Take a look


I am Luxury,

that one of a kind,

handmade with care,

one at a time.

Quality over quality,

Inner beauty compared to exterior beauty is inequality,

Largely desired, yet not easily acquired,

Only those who toil for me are admired,





Enuamaka is someone I have known since secondary school. I know her to be wise beyond her years and inspiring and she is someone that I greatly respect and admire. So today, I present you with Enuamaka’s story


That’s one of the most difficult questions a person has to answer, be it to themselves or to someone else. It is something I consistently ask myself and yet I am still not completely sure as to how to answer.


I am a 20 year old African woman, born to a family of individuals I consider extraordinary. I turn 21 in a few weeks and to everyone I tell, the reaction is almost always the same. I’m told I need to “turn up” since I am now “legal” and can “drink”. Apparently, the most fascinating thing about turning 21 in America is the ability to order a drink “legally”. I’ve never really been one to get excited at the concept of being able to drink alcohol because, being Nigerian, I have never been under the restrictions of a ‘drinking age’.

The thing is, with turning 21 comes a much bigger realization: I will completely and irrevocably, by all standards, be a full blown adult.
And so the question of who I am becomes a lot more difficult to answer.


Unlike before when I could just ignore it all together or give myself a non-committal answer, I am quickly approaching the age where I have to make all these big decisions. What I want to do with the rest of my life, marriage, family, all of these things suddenly become real overnight. But none of this really answers the question of who I am so let’s try this again.


Outwardly, I am a 20 year old slightly over-weight woman. I have been told that I give off the impression of being a snob. Because I am on the curvier side, it is automatically assumed that I eat a lot, a trait which can be equated to lacking self-control.

In this society, I am also not what anyone would associate with the standard of attractiveness because I have one curve too many. I don’t have what anyone would call a regular job or any job at all, so perhaps I lack focus. I am about to turn 21 but yet to start my junior year in college while my mates are graduating so perhaps I lack drive. On paper, it doesn’t seem like I have a lot going for me.

Except that I do and none of this is even remotely reflected on who I really am. So here it is.

I may be voluptuous but weight can always be lost. I’m not a snob, it’s called holding yourself in high-esteem. I do not ‘lack self-control’, I just have terribly slow metabolism. Yes that’s my excuse and I am sticking to it. The standards of beauty in today’s world are unrealistic so I don’t hold myself to any of them. I mean think about it. Take Barbie for instance, you would have to have your ribs removed to have a waist like that and then proceed to live a life of malnutrition. No thank you.

I do not work because I go to school full time while, simultaneously co-parenting not one, but two pre-teenage girls. I took 2 years off after secondary school hence the reason I am ‘behind’ but that’s irrelevant because I have an almost perfect grade point average. You see the thing is, for everything that’s wrong about me (and there are many, it’s called being human), there are about 3 other things that are absolutely right.

I am a strong, independent woman, responsible and resourceful. I dream big and chase after my dreams. I am fiercely loyal to my family and friends, I am loud (it’s the Nigerian thing), I am annoying (last kid syndrome), you take me as is or you don’t.
From reading all of this, I bet you’re thinking to yourself “darn she has her life so together, I want to be her when I grow up.” I know I am awesome (see, not conceited at all ☺) but you can be awesome too. The secret behind self-discovery is to fake it till you make it i.e go about life confident in who you think you are while you figure out who you really are.

Discovering myself and being content with who I am has been a long journey, one that never ends. Which each passing year, I learn a bunch of new things about myself. Some good, others great (again notice the humility). What is key is being able to take what I have already learned and using it to get from point A to B successfully. Don’t worry too much about who you are or where you should be as opposed to where you are. All paths aren’t created equal. I have come to realize this and embrace it.

So let’s try this one more time.


I a non-conformist, I do not bend to fit the status quo. I pave my own path and make my destiny. I love hard and play even harder. I am uniquely me, perfectly imperfect.


Who Am I? – DOLAPO


Today is the day and I must admit I am a little nervous but I am going to brave it out. To kick things off, it makes sense that I start with my own story so here it goes. For the next couple of days, a different story will be uploaded everyday at 8.30am (BST). Thank you


Up until a few months ago, I thought I knew the answer to this question. Actually, I knew I didn’t know but I wanted to believe that I knew. So, in order to do this, I went about my business everyday wearing a mask. This mask was on from the moment I woke up in the morning till I went to bed at night. I never took this mask off and so with time, I actually started to believe that this mask I was wearing depicted the real me.

There were certain facts about life that I knew. I knew that life could be cruel. I knew that people could come into your life and break you and then leave you to put the pieces back together. I knew that there were people that went through pain everyday and ended their lives because they couldn’t bear the pain anymore. I knew all of these as facts. However, I refused to believe that at some point in my life, I would be faced with all these facts.

I lived life trying to hide my flaws. I lived life refusing to accept that there were some things I couldn’t change. So, sometimes when I was in my bedroom alone at night, I had to face my demons. And oh, these demons were the worst kind of demons because they came from inside me. They told me that I was not good enough. They said I was not smart enough and I was not beautiful enough. They told me that everyone would reject me and I would be left all alone. I was depressed and lonely and at some point, i became suicidal. There were so many days I put the knife against my skin and there were days I used the jagged end of a broken glass to rub against my thighs.

I was very lost. My soul wandered around trying to find help. There were days that my pain was so much that I would become a completely different person. My pain became a person.

Then, my heart got broken and that feeling of rejection and never being good enough surfaced again

One day…

My soul woke up. It was like I had seen a new dawn. My eyes were opening and I saw the light and I realised that I am beautiful beyond measure and I am strong beyond belief and I deserve much more than I am given.

And yes…I have learnt to accept this woman that I see in front of the mirror everyday and I am learning to embrace my flaws and accept that there are some things I cannot change. I have also realised that every thing that has happened in my past is all bits and pieces of who I am today and the woman that I would grow to be.

So yes…

I am that woman that is so careless and clumsy that she breaks everything in her way

Yes, I am that woman that is so messy and never lays her bed in the morning

Yes, I am that woman that was molested as a kid and made to feel like an object

Yes, i am that woman that got heart broken and betrayed by the one she loved and cared about most.

Yes, I am that woman that felt rejected by everyone

Yes, I am that woman that cried myself to sleep and wanted to drown myself in alcohol

Yes, I am that woman that almost killed herself time and time again

Yes, I am that woman that loves God more than anything else in the world but most of the time loses her way

Yes, I am that woman that talks and talks more than she sleeps

Yes, I am that woman that chooses to believe that Bruno Mars is her best friend


I am also that woman that wears her heart on a sleeve

I am that woman that tries to be the best friend she can be

I am that woman that is learning to believe everyday that she is beautiful

I am also that woman that is learning to understand that she deserves respect

I am that woman that tries to better herself everyday

I am that woman who was not built to break

I am that woman that has embraced her weirdness and her quirkiness

I am that woman who is learning to forgive and find peace…

I am that woman that believes so much in her strength because she is brave enough to be vulnerable

And I am that woman who will apologise when she is wrong but will never apologise for who she is

Hi, Nice to meet you,