WHO AM I? – DOYIN
Doyin is someone that is very close to my heart and has been for years. I could write a book on how amazing he is and how annoying he could be. Lol. But it’s better to hear from the horse’s mouth eh (not calling you a horse, Doyin).
WHO AM I?
Initially the answer to that question was, whoever you wanted me to be.
I had no unique identity really or much of a unique personality. I lived situatuion to situation, doing what i imagined was the morally right thing to do. Well, actually to be brutally honest I did, whatever brought as many peoples approval as possible, so essentially I was living for other people.
I guess at the time it didn’t really matter to me. But, as I clearly remember my dad telling me, “you just cant make everyone happy”. And he was right.
No matter how perfect the decisions you make are, there’s always gonna be the person or people you rub the wrong way. I slowly began to take this rather sad truth in, and eventually i realized that if I wasn’t acting up for someone, then I had no self to be.
In other words, I had no default setting. I began to sense that in even the most basic of things i had no trace of myself. For me, it felt like everything that I was up until that point had nothing to do with me.
So much so, that I couldn’t even make decisions on my own or explain my own thought process behind my actions. Then, I left home to go study abroad, and I this was the major turning point in my life. Why?, one word… Freedom.
All of a sudden, I was in a very hands-off society. 99% of the things that happened to me had to be decided by me. I was forced to man up and take responsibility for the direction of my life and of my actions, and so finally, all the cobwebs spun around my brain slowly began falling off. As I started to rely on myself more and more and till this day, I’m thankful to God for this blessing that brought me here.
Now, things are different. I’m still discovering myself and understanding what makes me different. I am working towards defining myself in full. But it still amazes me just how much I was simply just watching my life unfold.
I realize that there is a lot to live for, and once i began exploring myself, things began to change, starting from the core of my lifestyle outwards. So well, I guess that there are parts of me I do know very well already but still parts of me that are a mystery to myself. So, let me try again to answer this question to the best of my abilty now.
WHO AM I??
I am a relative unknown
And I am still evolving
But, I am a survivor
I AM DOYIN