FANTASY – THE #1 SONG THE DAY I WAS BORN

I found this really cool site yesterday that lets you find out the number one song on the day that you were born. I was so excited to try it and I saw that the number one song was fantasy by mariah carey which I thought was pretty cool.

It is a song that clearly celebrates my birth. i was born on a Tuesday afternoon and I don’t know anyone aside from me that was born in the afternoon. Most people I know were/are born early in the morning or late at night. My mum told me a while back that she drove herself to the hospital and I can imagine her putting on the radio while driving and hearing this song whilst breathing in and out. Lol.

I was nearly in tears when I saw this and I think everyone should try it out. It is pretty amazing. Go on http://playback.fm/birthday-song to find out the number one song on the day that you were born. The best part of this is that it dates back to like 1946 so like you can check for your parents or grandparents or anyone at all.

So, give this a try…come on

Click it…

Why don’t you?

Lol

DEATH MADE ME REALISE…

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On valentine’s day, I received a message from my sister in the morning informing me that a mate of mine in secondary school had passed. The crazy thing was that the night before, I dreamt that a different mate of mine had died. Waking up and hearing that made me feel…well, to be honest, I was in denial for a very long time.

I did not want to believe it so I pretended like it wasn’t real…it wasn’t true. Expressing my feelings have proved difficult for me recently – I don’t know why – and so sometimes, I don’t want to admit that something crazy is happening because I don’t want to have to deal with it.

Eventually, I came out of that denial phase. You know they say that there are five stages of grief – Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression & Acceptance. My anger phase did not last very long and so right now, I think I’m at Bargaining.

Now yesterday, I read that a girl that I just watched on the previous cycle of America’s Next Top Model had been murdered in her home along with her boyfriend and a third person. She was just shot dead.

Now see, it really hit close to home for me because these two girls – though I don’t know the other personally – are my age mates. Like we were born in the same year and I can’t help but re-think.

I have realised that I take the little things for granted. I wake up in the morning and I think its a normal thing, like it’s not possible to die in my sleep. The truth is I could die. I could walk out of my room into the street and get hit by a car. So, I have decided to try to not take the little things for granted. I am learning to appreciate every single moment because tomorrow is not promised.

I was at the gym last night and my phone fell and the screen cracked really bad. Then, on my way home from the gym, my coat belt fell along the way and I didn’t realise it until I got home. Now see, I was genuinely upset about this but I realised that there are bigger problems in the world and I decided not to dwell on it because I will just get more upset.

Don’t get me wrong, I still think about these little things but I’m deciding not to let these little things ruin my day. I try my best to tell those I love that I love them.

We should appreciate life more because we are on borrowed time and sometimes, in this fast-paced world, it is easy to forget that but when we remember, we should appreciate it. Also, remember to tell those you love that you love them as much as you possibly can and be thankful to God for every new day.

R.I.P Zainab and Mirjana.

R.I.P to the departed.

Posted in 19

HOW DID WE GET HERE?

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For the last week, I have been following the whole Amber Rose debacle and I have been very intrigued. In one week, her two exes dissed her. Let’s start with Kanye West, her ex-boyfriend.

A few days ago, on a radio interview, he made some really nasty comments about her. He said that he had to take 30 showers after he had been with her. He also said that if Kim Kardashian had dated him when he wanted her to date him, there will be no Amber Rose.

Now here’s my thing. Kanye, I understand that you were trying to defend your wife and her family. I get that. However, don’t you dare downplay what you had with this woman. You were with her for two years and she was with you through the toughest moments of your life. Apart from that, everyone knows that you loved this woman….LOVED HER. It was on your face. You couldn’t stop smiling when you were with her. She was the muse of one of your greatest albums. You cried to get her back and now, because you finally got with Kim, you think its right to disrespect a woman who stood by you? Naa…That ain’t right.

Now, Wiz Khalifa who is her soon to be ex-husband has also gone on twitter to rant about her being a terrible mother and I’m just wondering that how did two people who loved each other so much get to such a bad place? And, then when I thought about it a lot more, I realised that there is a thin line between love and hate.

The line that separates them is called indifference. Love and Hate are very passionate feelings and sometimes when you love someone so passionately and things go wrong, the hate could come on strong too. Sometimes, we can’t help it. It’s human nature.

I really hope that for the sake of their son that they can get through this difficult time.

This is something that everyone can really relate to and if you are going through a  bad break up or heartbreak, I just want to let you know that it might not seem like it now, but soon the wounds with gradually start to heal.

WHEN THE SILENCE BECOMES TOO LOUD

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I had a dream.

I sort of knew how I wanted my life to turn out. I wanted to study Journalism in uni and then when I graduate, I do my masters degree and then I’ll get a job and then I’ll get married and have children. It’s simple enough, isn’t it?

It seemed that this dream was about to become a reality. I got into uni and I started to study Journalism and English Literature and I felt, ‘Wow, I am exactly where I want to be’.

Now, I’m in my final year and I absolutely hate my course. I am not enjoying it and I am not having the passion that I had earlier on. It’s like, this isn’t me. My future now seems very foggy. What am I going to do?

Sometimes, I sit in silence and then its like the silence is shouting back at me. It’s telling me, ‘What are you going to do with your life?’ ‘Will I be the success I want to be?’ and I am starting to feel very lost in the world.

I spoke to a bunch of my friends about this and they said that they feel the same way. Uni sucks sometimes.

Am I scared? Very. I want to be the best I can be and right now, I am scared that that dream is very far from me.

Posted in 19

UN-BREAK MY HEART

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I love me some Toni Braxton. She can do no wrong in my eyes. She is beautiful, sexy, talented and just all round amazing. So, when I found out she had a memoir out, I had to get my hands on it. So, I made a friend get me the book as a birthday present.

When I started to read it, I couldn’t put it down. It was just very open. She spoke about everything and I mean…everything from her bankruptcy to her father’s cheating to her parents divorce to her abortion to her marriage and divorce, raising an autistic child and her battle with Lupus.

I learnt so much from reading this book and I thought I will share some of the lessons.

a.) When an opportunity comes to shine, embrace it – Toni and her sisters had been practicing all their lives to be singers. They practiced almost everyday and eventually they got a chance to meet some people who could sign them. However, when it all came down to it, the record label wanted just Toni. One of the problems was the age range of the sisters because Toni is about ten years older than Tamar, the last born and it was a matter of how to fit such an age range in a group. What kind of songs will they sing? and stuff like that. Toni felt so guilty about signing with the record label for such a long time that she tried to do everything she could to put them on. I could understand why she felt guilty but at the same time, she had to learn to focus on herself because it truly wasn’t her fault. So, if an opportunity comes knocking and you want it, embrace it.

b.) Embrace who you are – Have you heard Toni Braxton’s voice? My girl has a deep alto female voice. In an industry where a lot of soprano singers are celebrated like Mariah Carey, Toni Braxton has made some of the greatest R&B hits with that beautiful, smooth, alto voice that just makes you feel all relaxed inside. I mean, songs like ‘Unbreak my heart’, ‘Breathe Again’, ‘Seven Whole Days’ still remain classics. Everyone has a gift, find yours and improve on it.

c.) Experience is the best teacher – I know this is one of the most cliché sayings ever but it is the truth. Toni went through a whole lot in her life. A whole lot. She went through bankruptcy TWICE… and a whole bunch of other stuff. Was she frustrated at the time? YES! but she found a way to get through it and carry on with her life. She has Lupus and yet she still slays on the red carpet. She has managed to raise her autistic son up so well that he is so developed for his age because of her.

Life can be lemons and sometimes it can be a pile of shit too. However, we cry about it and we move on from it. If there is anything I have learned from this book, it is exactly that.

Thanks for sharing with us Toni. You remain a legend.

To buy Toni’s book, go on http://www.amazon.co.uk or http://www.amazon.com 

To find out more about autism, pls check out https://www.autismspeaks.org

CHANGE AND YOU

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Sometimes, I reminisce on my younger days and I remember certain things I did or said that make me cringe. I wonder, ‘Why did I say that? or Why did I do that?’ Lol. Anyway, I have a very cringe-worthy story from one of those times to share. Please don’t laugh at me, we have all been there. Lol.

Okay, so when I was in secondary school like, SS1 or so, I had this really close friend called Josh (not his real name). Josh and I had grown close over time and I really liked him as a friend. So Josh was one of those guys that people saw as a rebel. He wasn’t a bad person, he was a rebellious type; which I think was one of the reasons why I liked him because I am not a rebel, so seeing him as a rebel made me feel like a rebel.

Anyway, my school was very different. Boys and girls didn’t share a class. It was like two schools in one. We had different classes, different dining rooms, different hostels (obviously), but every other thing was shared like the labs and the computer rooms and so on.

However, it wasn’t such a terrible situation as it was pretty easy to run into someone or get a message across to someone if you wanted to see them. So, one of those days, I saw Josh and I had this stupid idea. I told Josh that I was attempting to write with my left hand because I am righty. He was like: “Oooookayyyyyy”. Lol. I was like, if I successfully did it in a month that he should do sth for me. He was like: “What would that be?” I said: “Well, you would change for the better”. I smiled like a stupid chicken, feeling like i had done something and he smiled back, but his smile was more like “This girl is crazy”. Lol. However, he shook hands with me and we had a deal.

Now for days upon days, I practiced writing with my left hand with the hope that I could change him to be a model student like me and when people ask me what I was doing, I’ll smile and be like, “I made a bet with Josh.” Now, I don’t think I won that bet really. However, I realised that that was such a stupid bet. Not, only because of the stupid terms, but the idea that you can actually change someone with a bet.

Now listen and I want everyone to hear what I have learned, ‘YOU CAN’T CHANGE A PERSON WHO DOESN’T WANT TO CHANGE.’ It is very important for everyone to know this. I believe that people can change – I really do – but only if they want to. A stupid bet was not going to make Josh become less of a rebel than he was, if he didn’t want to. To be honest, he wasn’t a bad person, but for some reason, I think I wanted to fix someone and you can’t fix someone who isn’t or who doesn’t believe that he is broken.

I remember a scene from a movie I watched called, ‘Madea’s big happy family’. I was hoping to put a video up but I couldn’t find one. Anyway, in this scene is a woman called Kimberly and her husband, Calvin. Now, they had been having marital problems mainly because, Kimberly was harbouring a really deep secret that made her become this bitter, mean lady. So, Calvin, – good husband that he is – tries to fix the problem and this conversation ensues:

Calvin: I think we need to see a marriage counsellor

Kimberly: I’m not going to any counsellor

Calvin: So you’re not interested in trying to fix this

Kimberly: FIX WHAT? TELL ME WHAT’S BROKEN?

Calvin: *sighs* Well, I guess if you don’t know. Maybe, we don’t need to see one

Now, as a wife, Kimberly didn’t see what was wrong in her marriage and because of that fixing it was going to be a struggle. If someone tells you that you need to fix that glass because its broken, but you don’t see a broken glass, now tell me, how are you going to start fixing it?

One other thing that I think is important to know is that, DON’T CHANGE YOURSELF OR YOUR BELIEFS FOR SOMEONE ELSE. This is extremely important. If you want to change, change for yourself, not for anyone else, because if that person should leave, like a dog, you’ll go back to your vomit. This is one reason why I hate the 50 shades series. What E.L.James won’t tell us is what will happen beyond the book. Now, it all seems like cotton candy and butterflies because Christian finally settled down with Ana but see, Christian Grey is so damaged and doesn’t get himself fixed.

Anastasia was a challenge for him. Granted, he fell in love with her but sometimes, Love is not enough. After the end of the story, he is most likely going to go back to being the man that she met.

One last thing, and this is something that I am trying to learn also, DON’T LET SOMEONE COME AND COMPLETE YOU, COMPLETE YOURSELF FIRST. Now, see this is a really hard one and I promise you, I am not judging because I, myself find myself in this situation from time to time. You see, as a person, you got to be complete in your life. I mean, let everything in your life be checked. You don’t need someone to complete you, you need someone to meet you completed. This is so that, if anything should happen and the person should leave, you will know that you still have yourself complete. If not, that person will carry that chunk that they completed for you and go away. I don’t know if I am making any sense. It’s hard and it takes a lot to get there. It takes a lot to start applying it, but when you are there, you are there.

And if you need a constant in your life, Jesus is always there. My Christianity is very shaky at the moment, like I mentioned in a previous post but if there is one thing I really believe, its that He is always there as a constant whenever you need him.

If you got to the end of this post, Thank you, because..Wowww!!! This was lonnggggggggg! Lol. Take Care of Yourselves and be kind to one another.