CHANGE AND YOU
Sometimes, I reminisce on my younger days and I remember certain things I did or said that make me cringe. I wonder, ‘Why did I say that? or Why did I do that?’ Lol. Anyway, I have a very cringe-worthy story from one of those times to share. Please don’t laugh at me, we have all been there. Lol.
Okay, so when I was in secondary school like, SS1 or so, I had this really close friend called Josh (not his real name). Josh and I had grown close over time and I really liked him as a friend. So Josh was one of those guys that people saw as a rebel. He wasn’t a bad person, he was a rebellious type; which I think was one of the reasons why I liked him because I am not a rebel, so seeing him as a rebel made me feel like a rebel.
Anyway, my school was very different. Boys and girls didn’t share a class. It was like two schools in one. We had different classes, different dining rooms, different hostels (obviously), but every other thing was shared like the labs and the computer rooms and so on.
However, it wasn’t such a terrible situation as it was pretty easy to run into someone or get a message across to someone if you wanted to see them. So, one of those days, I saw Josh and I had this stupid idea. I told Josh that I was attempting to write with my left hand because I am righty. He was like: “Oooookayyyyyy”. Lol. I was like, if I successfully did it in a month that he should do sth for me. He was like: “What would that be?” I said: “Well, you would change for the better”. I smiled like a stupid chicken, feeling like i had done something and he smiled back, but his smile was more like “This girl is crazy”. Lol. However, he shook hands with me and we had a deal.
Now for days upon days, I practiced writing with my left hand with the hope that I could change him to be a model student like me and when people ask me what I was doing, I’ll smile and be like, “I made a bet with Josh.” Now, I don’t think I won that bet really. However, I realised that that was such a stupid bet. Not, only because of the stupid terms, but the idea that you can actually change someone with a bet.
Now listen and I want everyone to hear what I have learned, ‘YOU CAN’T CHANGE A PERSON WHO DOESN’T WANT TO CHANGE.’ It is very important for everyone to know this. I believe that people can change – I really do – but only if they want to. A stupid bet was not going to make Josh become less of a rebel than he was, if he didn’t want to. To be honest, he wasn’t a bad person, but for some reason, I think I wanted to fix someone and you can’t fix someone who isn’t or who doesn’t believe that he is broken.
I remember a scene from a movie I watched called, ‘Madea’s big happy family’. I was hoping to put a video up but I couldn’t find one. Anyway, in this scene is a woman called Kimberly and her husband, Calvin. Now, they had been having marital problems mainly because, Kimberly was harbouring a really deep secret that made her become this bitter, mean lady. So, Calvin, – good husband that he is – tries to fix the problem and this conversation ensues:
Calvin: I think we need to see a marriage counsellor
Kimberly: I’m not going to any counsellor
Calvin: So you’re not interested in trying to fix this
Kimberly: FIX WHAT? TELL ME WHAT’S BROKEN?
Calvin: *sighs* Well, I guess if you don’t know. Maybe, we don’t need to see one
Now, as a wife, Kimberly didn’t see what was wrong in her marriage and because of that fixing it was going to be a struggle. If someone tells you that you need to fix that glass because its broken, but you don’t see a broken glass, now tell me, how are you going to start fixing it?
One other thing that I think is important to know is that, DON’T CHANGE YOURSELF OR YOUR BELIEFS FOR SOMEONE ELSE. This is extremely important. If you want to change, change for yourself, not for anyone else, because if that person should leave, like a dog, you’ll go back to your vomit. This is one reason why I hate the 50 shades series. What E.L.James won’t tell us is what will happen beyond the book. Now, it all seems like cotton candy and butterflies because Christian finally settled down with Ana but see, Christian Grey is so damaged and doesn’t get himself fixed.
Anastasia was a challenge for him. Granted, he fell in love with her but sometimes, Love is not enough. After the end of the story, he is most likely going to go back to being the man that she met.
One last thing, and this is something that I am trying to learn also, DON’T LET SOMEONE COME AND COMPLETE YOU, COMPLETE YOURSELF FIRST. Now, see this is a really hard one and I promise you, I am not judging because I, myself find myself in this situation from time to time. You see, as a person, you got to be complete in your life. I mean, let everything in your life be checked. You don’t need someone to complete you, you need someone to meet you completed. This is so that, if anything should happen and the person should leave, you will know that you still have yourself complete. If not, that person will carry that chunk that they completed for you and go away. I don’t know if I am making any sense. It’s hard and it takes a lot to get there. It takes a lot to start applying it, but when you are there, you are there.
And if you need a constant in your life, Jesus is always there. My Christianity is very shaky at the moment, like I mentioned in a previous post but if there is one thing I really believe, its that He is always there as a constant whenever you need him.
If you got to the end of this post, Thank you, because..Wowww!!! This was lonnggggggggg! Lol. Take Care of Yourselves and be kind to one another.