I AM BITTER…SO WHAT?
So, at the beginning of last year, I started to lose a friend of mine. She was very close to me and I considered her my soul sister. I had never clicked with anyone so much as I had with her when I first met her and I loved her – I still do. However, at the start of last year, we started to drift.
We talked less and less and less. In fact, I can count on my fingers how many times we spoke. I tried to reach out to her. I called, texted and in most cases, I would not get a reply from her. I went through something really tough last year and she heard about it through someone else, but she still did not reach out to me. I had to reach out to her myself to actually get her to speak to me about my situation and still, we did not get to talk about it as much as I would have hoped.
She told me she was also going through a hard time but how was I to know? I called all the time, I texted but when you don’t speak to me, how would I know that you are going through a tough time? I am not a psychic. Anyway, things got a bit worse. She did something that also hurt me a little bit but it wasn’t the action itself that hurt me. Rather, it was the way she went about it that hurt. Still, I wanted to maintain my friendship with her because she meant a lot to me.
When it seemed like we were walking through our issues, the cycle would begin again. It got to a point that I did not recognise who my friend was anymore. Now, we don’t speak and I am fine with that because all through last year, I kept on making excuses for her. I made excuses for her to anyone that asked. However, there are no more excuses to be made. I have gotten my closure and I know that I tried the hardest that I could. I know and those around me know.
I would be dishonest if I say that it still doesn’t bother me. It does. I am still a bit bitter about it. And I am okay with that because it just goes to show that she meant a lot to me and it will take time for me to let go of that. I am embracing the emotions that come with it. Sometimes, when we get hurt, we want to quickly skip to the good part where we do not hurt anymore but it does not work that way. Pain is like boot camp or like going to the gym. You have to feel the burn in order to look better and feel better. Pain helps us grow and I am slowly but surely getting to the point where I understand where we’re at and that people drift apart sometimes.
As for my ex-friend, I still believe she is a great person and I still have massive love for her. When you love someone, you always love them. So, I still have love for her and I wish her the very best. I battled a little bit in my mind about sharing this but this is my own truth. This is how I saw it from my perspective. I don’t know how she saw it from hers and I respect her own truth. The point is that I have learned from this and I am definitely growing.