Dolly Writes

Journey of a growing woman

Month: September, 2016

Tampons vs Pads: A Bloody War

Excuse the title…Lol..I thought it was funny

So, lets talk about periods. Yes, that monthly visitor that we never like to see but have to, anyway. Honestly, I believe for most women, the only reason why we hope to see our periods is just to confirm that we are not pregnant.

relieved-gif

Lol. Anyway, its the way God planned it so it is the way it has to be.

So, I first had my period when I was just about to turn 11 years old and I was in secondary school – boarding school – at the time. As at then, the only thing I knew about in terms of sanitary instruments was pads. I had never heard of tampons before in my life. I, especially knew about the pads because there were these ‘Always’ ads that I used to see back home in Nigeria. They were so entertaining. Lol. Honestly, some of the best ads are the tampons and pads ads.

Anyway, for the first year of my period, I only knew about pads. That all changed one Saturday afternoon. So, I was back home for the holidays and my mum wanted to take my siblings and I swimming. However, that day, I got my period and I was upset because I so badly wanted to swim. So, my mum said that there was a way I could. She told me she would give me a tampon. I was like ‘C’est Quoi? What is that? She took me to her room and showed me this small item that would supposedly have to go up my vagina. It sounded really uncomfortable. I was young and I had never even heard of this thing until that day so, my mum had to put it on for me.

giphy-nene

First of all, it was painful. Secondly, just as I thought it was uncomfortable. The concept of being able to wear it and swim seemed nice but honestly it made me feel very weird. Anyway, I hated it so much that I wanted it off but I did not want to tell my mum because I did not want to upset her with whining so, I did the next best thing, which was to hope that rain fell so we would not have to swim. Well, God must have had some pity on me because that rain fell and it fell good. Lol. It started to fall when we got to the pool so we had to go back. As soon as I went home, I took it off and wore my very comfortable pad.

This was about 8 years ago so a lot has obviously changed with me as a woman. I am more comfortable in my femininity than I was back then. So, the things I never thought would change about me has changed. For one, I love tampons now. The truth is when my mum first introduced me to tampons, I was used to something else which was pads and I do not usually like to break out of the norm at first, especially when it is not my idea. I finally explored tampons at a time that I felt comfortable. A couple of months ago, I tried them for the first time since I was 12 and I finally understood why people love them so much.As of right now, I’m not exclusive to any one of them. I use both for different reasons and I’ll tell you.

Pads – I have worn pads the longest and I love it sometimes and hate it sometime. One thing I like about pads is that I can be wear it longer than a tampon. I normally time how long I wear it. So, if I am having a light flow, I try to change it every 5 hours and if its heavy, 4 hours. However, if I have to change it earlier, I would know to do that because I can see it and still wear it. With a tampon, you only take it out with the intention of throwing it away. Also, I can always depend on pads. I can wear it at any time – whether my flow is heavy or light.

Tampons – Now, I only just started wearing tampons but I enjoy it most times. Unlike before, it does not make me uncomfortable when I wear it anymore and it makes me feel comfortable wearing any type of underwear. There is also a freedom that comes with it. You can do more with a tampon on than a pad. I feel cleaner with it most times because the fact that I don’t see anything just makes me feel like I am not walking with a big sign on my head. However, I can’t seem to wear it when I am having heavy flow, maybe I have been using the wrong ones, I don’t know. So, I can’t always depend on them as I would like. Also, the change times are shorter. I change them every 2-3 hours.

Now…which one do I prefer?

I do not prefer one or the other. I like them for different reasons and I use them at different times. I use Pads when I am having a heavy flow and I use tampons when they are not as heavy.

As women, we have to do whatever feels right for our bodies and so, this is not me giving advice but just sparking a conversation about this natural thing that happens to us. So, I do want to hear your opinion. Vote on the poll below on which you prefer and leave your comments on this post.

 

 

Advertisements

Brad and Angelina – Why I don’t feel sorry

So, three days ago, I was scrolling through The Shaderoom as it is a regular ritual of mine, minding my own business when all of a sudden, I came across a picture of Brad and Angelina with a caption, saying that Angelina had filed for divorce. As soon as I saw that, I checked a whole bunch of other credible sources like E! and People’s Magazine and they confirmed that this rumour was true. Now, I would not lie, my first subconscious reaction was to chuckle. Yeah, I gave a good ke ke. You know why? Cause I never cared for the way they got together anyway!

Listen, divorce is never a good or easy thing and they have 6 children who, I feel sorry for that they have to go through this….but…I am sorry, you cannot start a relationship with somebody on that sort of foundation and believe that it would last forever (even though, they started to seem like the exception).

I hate cheating with all my heart. I know everybody makes mistakes and I am far from perfect but I do not understand how a person would intentionally hurt the person that they vowed in front of God to be with forever. Now, not only did Brad cheat with Angelina, they humiliated Jennifer Aniston. Now, you know I love Jennifer Aniston. Chick, sure knows how to make me laugh. They humiliated this woman in front of the whole world. I even remember reading an article where Brad  basically said that his time with Jen was a waste.

20150108_hr_jennifer_aniston_0756

Source: The Hollywood Reporter

Now, the situation at this moment is that Brad has been allegedly abusive with their kids which I never would have thought will be the case. They always seemed like great parents who really love their kids. Abuse is a really strong word. You know, growing up in a Nigerian home, I got spanked as a kid, if I did something wrong. It was nothing abusive, just a disciplinary action and I understood that. I just wonder what abuse, here means. Anyway, I just don’t want to believe that Brad would intentionally hurt his kids.

Angelina also allegedly has issues with Brad because he drinks too much alcohol and smokes too much weed. Well, I can understand how she would have issues with that. While, Angelina has had issues with drugs in the past, she has definitely grown and she is a mother now. When you become a parent, you have to let go of certain things. If Brad is doing that, it is something that I can understand she will be mad at.

Anyway, I do hope that this does not become too messy, especially for the sake of kids. For their sake, I wish that Angelina and Brad did not have to go through this. I feel bad for laughing but I just could not help but think that their foundation was not the best to begin with.

Feeling Good

A couple of years ago, during my A-Levels, I was having an evening class on Government and Politics. I had already had a couple of classes that day so I was tired and hungry. So, right before the class was to begin, I took a walk to Tesco to get some snacks that I could eat so that I would not faint.:)

As I was approaching Tesco, a young dude approached me. I did not know him and I had never seen him before but he came to me and told me this:

I’m sorry that I had to stop you but I wanted to let you know that you are very beautiful. I’m sorry, I just had to tell you that.

I was in a state of shock and my mouth was too because I could not seem to close it. In my state of shock and confusion, I was able to tell him thank you. I have never seen or spoken to that guy since then but I remember every detail of that meeting. I remember what I was wearing, how I was walking, how he looked. I remember it because he made me feel very good inside. I had never met anyone that was in awe of my beauty; someone that did not even know me. Sometimes, during moments of despair, chaos or low self esteem, I remember that guy…because that feeling of confidence and happiness that came over me in that moment are feelings that cannot be forgotten.

This brings me to a quote by a woman I adore with all my heart, Maya Angelou (Rest her soul), where she said:

People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did but people will never forget how you made them feel

The point of my story is that this world can be chaotic and trying and sometimes, it could send you over the edge. However, every now and again, you meet someone or people who just make you feel good inside and could change your entire outlook on life. How about we be those people? How about we be those people that others want to be around because of how me make them feel?

I just want to encourage us all to be people that make others feel good about themselves and great. I want to make a change and do my best to be one of those people. Maybe we can help make the world a little bit easier for those that we come across.

The Soldier

I wrote this story a little while ago and I thought it will be nice to share. Hope you like it. Special thanks to my friend, Enuamaka for help with editing the story for me. 

He had been in Afghanistan for the last three months. There were good days and there were bad days. There were days when the sun was shining, leaves were falling and all the other soldiers were laughing. Nobody died on those days and he loved days like that.But there were days when he felt like a dead man walking.

On those days, the stench of death was in the air and he just wanted to be home. Monday happened to be one of those days.On Monday, he woke up feeling optimistic. Monday would be a good day because all the signs of a good day were there. Nothing could go wrong. Or so he thought.

As the day wore on, he couldn’t help but feel uneasy, as though the calm would not last for long.On this day, he was assigned patrol duty. He was to go get patrol with seven other guys from his platoon. He did not mind patrolling. So, he was up to it but this uneasy feeling just kept creeping up and he was not sure what to make of it.

After breakfast and a good laugh with his friends, he got fully dressed and headed to the patrol car. There were two. He was going to be in the second vehicle with three others while the first vehicle was going to be leading. He got in and they started to move.

He was having a good time singing with his mates and having a nice time until…the vehicle in front of them exploded.It was an IED. There were no survivors. The men in his patrol car drove back to camp as fast as they could. They knew there was nothing they could do in that moment for their fallen brothers. He was shaken up.

As soon as he got back to camp, he went to a corner to be by himself. After he puked out his breakfast, he cried. This was one of those days.Later that day, he felt this strong need to call home. So, he stood in the line waiting while the other soldiers ahead front of him spoke on the phone. As he waited, he thought about his mother and his sisters. He thought about how he missed them and wanting to let them know he was alright.

When it was his turn, he did not call his mother or his sisters. Instead, he called her. He loved his family but she…she was the calm to his storm. She was the one that made him feel like everything had not completely fallen apart and besides, he knew that she would reach out to his family for him.
He had had a bad day and all he wanted to do was hear her voice. When he heard her say ‘Hello’ on the other end, he knew. He knew that in that moment, that everything was going to be alright.

The Crying Game/I Lied/Grand Piano

 

I am a big fan of Nicki Minaj and when her album – The Pinkprint – dropped in 2015, I was excited. I was more excited to watch her short film on it but I never found the time. It’s either I would be doing something when I remembered or I would just not remember when I have the time. I finally watched it a couple of minutes ago and I loved it. I got inspired to write something based on the songs displayed in the short film. It’s been a while since I wrote poetry-like posts. I am very rusty and I’m the first to admit that it’s not the best but I’ll improve as I practice more. One thing I can tell you though is I put my heart into it and wrote it as best as I could. I hope you all like it.

 

The Crying Game

It starts in my throat
There is this sore pain
that I feel when I try to swallow
Then it works its way to my stomach
That feels like it is sinking
Then I start to feel my eyes water
And then I feel my heart about to explode
So I just let it out
This routine – I am used to
I feel myself die over and over again
It’s a sickening game
It’s a game of two hearts
the heart that breaks wins
why do you make it so easy?
In this game of hearts,
I win
my heart has won a thousand times

I Lied

I want to run
run far away
i can’t be what you want me to be
you want forever?
i can’t promise you that
how can i be sure?
how can i be sure that you won’t hurt me?
you think you want me?
you don’t
one day you will look at me
and not love me
you want to know a truth?
i do love you
a lot!
that’s the problem!

Grand Piano

I remember the day i told you I loved you
I almost bit my tongue
because I knew I couldn’t take it back
You knew…and now my heart was out and naked
That day, I knew I was fucked
I let you in and now you are a part of me
My mind, my heart, my body, my soul
if you were a drug
Then I’m an addict
You’re not good for me
but i keep wanting you
Lots of liessss
Lots of hurt
How is that I am still alive?
You keep playing my heart
Like a grand piano

JOLENE

 

Jolene, Jolene, Jolene, Jolene

I’m begging of you please don’t take my man

Jolene, Jolene, Jolene, Jolene

Please don’t take him even though you can

I am totally in love with this song. I am in love with the rawness, the honesty and the vulnerability. The song was originally written and performed by Dolly Parton. She was inspired to write this song after a red-headed bank clerk flirted with her husband, Carl Dean, when they were just newly-weds.

I love Miley’s version of the song and it helps a lot that she is Dolly’s goddaughter. I love the instruments and her voice sounds phenomenal. It is a song that is just truly honest and I appreciate it.

I hope you like it as much as I did.

MY TANZANIAN JOURNEY

Hello my beautiful people,

How do I start to say I’m sorry? I have never abandoned my blog for this long before. I actually planned to write after I got back from Tanzania but I went through a tough time and I could not bring myself to write anything. I am good now. I am in a happy place – probably the happiest I have been in a long time. I am still stressed though because school is kicking my ass but I am great. I wrote something about my trip to Tanzania and I want to share that with you all. I wrote it at the Tanzanian Airport while waiting for my plane to return so everything is exactly as I wrote it.  Please read and enjoy.

13495420_10154168062560359_4498816949106077651_o

Atte Leskinen photography.

Oh…if Bi Kelly were alive to see me now.

Almost 11 years ago, a woman walked into my class. I had just started secondary school. It was my first year. This woman was thick, dark skinned and extremely beautiful. She embodied confidence. She came in and spoke in a strange accent. I started to wonder what part of Nigeria she came from and I settled on the Northern side. Boy, how wrong I was! She came from Kenya and she was going to be teaching us Kiswahili. I had never heard of this language before in my life although, to be fair I was just 9 years old. However, this woman was just so bright and bubbly that I was willing to buy whatever she was selling. I never thought that I would ever have to make use of Swahili in my life….

Until now…

Years later, I decided to go on a trip to Tanzania by myself. Well, I needed a sponsor and after writing a proposal to my mum, she thought it would be a good idea. I was going to do a media and journalism internship. I was excited. To be honest, a part of me thought the trip was not going to happen. About two years ago, I wanted to go to Peru to do some volunteer work. However, after paying for the ticket, my mum changed her mind on me going. I was 18 at the time. It was understandable. I was going to be taking about 3 planes just to get there and with all the craziness going on in the world at the time, my mum felt uncomfortable but she did tell me that she would consider it again at a different time. So, you can understand why I thought this trip might not happen. Even with all her support, I can be a very careless person (something I am trying to change) and I thought that I might do something wrong that would not make the trip happen. However, when everything seemed to be going good – volunteering paid for, flight paid for, visa done – I started to get really nervous as the day was approaching. I started to wonder if I could actually do it. I started asking myself what I was thinking trying to do it. All my friends were supportive. Some of them were like, ‘Dolly you are weird. I do not know anyone else that would do this’. By the way, I take weirdness as a compliment. I am proud of my weirdness. At least I’m not boring. Anyway, I was nervous from the moment I left my house till I landed in Dar Es Salaam, Tanzania.

IMG_0248

My lovely students

We got to the volunteer house and it was something I had never seen before. The volunteers and interns were living in rooms made of bamboos. It is important to note that these rooms were built by volunteers. The Madale volunteer house, where I stayed was practicing being Eco-friendly. So, it meant we used dry toilets. This meant that the toilets were not flushed. In the bathroom, holes were made in wood and toilet seats were put on them. There were two – one for peeing and one for pooping. In the one used for peeing, you could not put toilet paper in it. When you peed, you use the tissue and put it in the pooping toilet. Since there was no flushing, it meant that everyone in a room would pee in there. The pee would eventually be flown through a pipe to help with the plants. The pooping one was more interesting. When you poop, you use your tissues and then you put sawdust in it. Eventually, this would be dry enough to be used as fertiliser for the plants. Whenever I used the toilets, I tried not to look down. Lol. I never sat on the toilet seats. I did the squatting style. Lol. Anyway, for showers, we fetched water from the tank outside because Madale did not have runny water and then we would take our showers with the cold water bringing me back to my secondary school days.

Anyway, for the first couple of nights, it was surreal for me. I could not believe that I actually made it there. After the orientation I wanted to know what I was going to do immediately. Unfortunately, organisation was a bit messed up. One of the volunteers told me that it was always better if you had something in mind that you wanted to do. I had no clue what I wanted to do. I mean, I had just gotten there. I was going to be there for two weeks and I wanted to make it count. I am not the most creative person. I thrive better on structure. So, when I was not sure of what I was going to be doing coupled with the fact that I was feeling a bit homesick and I felt like I was the weird one out of everyone, I broke down. I spoke to my boyfriend and I was a mess. I was just crying to him on the phone and telling him that I had no idea what I was doing here. I wanted to come home. He tried to comfort me. He told me I had just gotten there and I should remember how excited I was. He told me I would get a hang of it soon and he said that when it was over, I would be the one telling him how awesome it was.

IMG_0238

The Volunteer House

After that day, things got better. Someone gave me the idea of filming interviews with volunteers. Another told me about the organisations blog and how I could write on it and I thought, ‘You know what? That is right up my alley.’ I was going to focus on filming but someone was already doing something like that. So, I decided to record the interviews and transcribe it on the blog. I also joined forces with some of the other interns to go out with them and film and take pictures to also put on the blog. I also signed up to teach English on Wednesday and Friday evenings to some of the children and I started to feel like I was doing something. I started to teach the toddlers but as cute as they are, it was exhausting and a lot of work. So, when I taught Level 3 English to some of the older kids. I felt something click in me. I felt like I was doing something meaningful. When they call me ‘Teacher Dolly’, the smile on my face and in my heart is something that cannot be replicated.

I started to feel like I was on a journey of self discovery. I felt myself change in a good way. I realised how much I actually started to love myself – which is something that has felt unachievable for the longest time. I knew that I never wanted to be anyone else. This is Dolly. This is Dolapo. This is me. Who else can be like me? It is just one of me in the entire world and I am special and unique. The other volunteers, interns and I went to Mbudya Island during my first weekend there and it was so beautiful. I wanted to swim but I couldn’t for two reasons:

1. I didn’t have a bathing suit and

2. Even if I did have one, I would have been a little ashamed to show my body because I have added some weight in the last year

But….for the first time, even though I felt a bit insecure about my body, it wasn’t because I was wishing to be someone else. I loved who I am. I was just upset at myself for not being healthier but it was something I am determined to work on. However, I love who I am now.

On Friday, while I was on the way to the National museum to take some pictures and enjoy the sights, I realised that I had focused so much on coming home, that I didn’t realise that I had absolutely come to love this place. I had met people who smiled when they saw me. I felt like I had mattered in this place. I discovered a bit about myself. I had done this on my own despite all my self-doubt. I even learned to take better pictures because I had taken a photography class with Atte, one of the volunteers. I even learned a little bit more Swahili because I had forgotten a lot about what Bi Kelly had taught me. Being here has been a chapter in my life that I would always cherish

Sitting here in the Dar Es Salaam Airport getting ready to take off. Tanzania, you have been good to me. Bi Kelly would be proud of me.

Thank you guys so much for being patient with me. I will try making a video of my trip and share more photos on another post. Love you guys so much.!