My thoughts on Toke Makinwa’s book
So I wrote a review of ‘On Becoming Toke Makinwa’ by Toke Makinwa on an upcoming Nigerian digital magazine called Metrolife, which is owned by an amazing friend of mine. Metrolife mainly focuses on Nigerian news and entertainment. This includes features, reviews, opinions and commentary and a wonderful Spotlight section which celebrates young Nigerian entrepreneurs and artists.
I decided to share my review on here as well (which was edited by the Editor of Metrolife), but please check out this magazine as it is amazing and gives you latest news and interesting articles to read.
“Sisters, we need to pray against the spirit of Maje Ayida in our lives”.
I wrote this on Snapchat last night after reading Toke Makinwa’s book. I sat down and read the book in three hours and throughout, I found myself praying constantly to banish any potential Majes in my future. As a 21 year old now, I realize that marriage is around the corner. I’m not looking to get married tomorrow but I do admit that the time has come to start thinking about these things – not just about the white dress and the cake and fairy tale aspect of it but of the marriage itself.
The story of Toke Makinwa’s relationship with Maje Ayida in general is one that has been played out in the media and we have all seen it and we have all judged and had our opinions. In fact, Toke Makinwa has been a person that has been highly criticized by social media in recent years.
Most people know Toke as an on-air personality and a TV host but honestly I did not even know that Toke was a radio personality until I read her book yesterday. I’d always thought of her as a socialite because I always saw her going for so many events. It even got to a point that I started to ask: “Won’t Toke sit down somewhere?”
I also knew her as a vlogger who gives relationship advice on Youtube. Her relationship with Maje was also one of the things I knew about her because it was always covered on the blogs. I remember reading about how she had been dating Maje on and off for 8 years and also about his relationship with some other girl named Anita Solomon. I used to wonder: “Isn’t it Toke who gives relationship advice on Youtube?”
A lot of us thought the same thing too.
When Toke got married to Maje, I didn’t think much of anything just because I did not know enough about their relationship to really have much of an opinion. However, I remember thinking about the Anita Solomon business but I thought: “Toke and Maje have been together for a long time and things aren’t always black and white.”
So, I guess, I was secretly happy for her because I thought they had worked things out and were good to go.
When some months down the line, I heard that Maje impregnated this same Anita Solomon, my heart broke for Toke. I mean, cheating is hurtful no matter how small but a pregnancy on top with an ex that you have been dating alongside me for years, that had to have been a huge blow.
I just remember thinking…niggas ain’t shit.
They ain’t been shit.
Throughout that period though, I remember seeing Toke still out and about – hair on fleek, make-up on fleek – and I just thought: “Wow, this woman is stronggg!”
I did not really pay attention to the story after then but recently, I heard about the book coming out and I read some excerpts on Linda Ikeji. The excerpts alone could make you curse Maje under your breath and I wasn’t sure if I wanted to read it. I kept on contemplating on Twitter about it because I knew the book would just make me want to cry. However, yesterday, a friend of mine sent me the book and I decided to read it and all I can say here is WOW!
First of all, I think it is a brilliant move that Toke stayed silent about the issue until she was really ready to speak on it in her own way. The book is well-written. I don’t know if she wrote it herself or had someone else write it – either way, it is brilliantly written and it is still her story. I am so proud of her. She completely changed my perception of her. I have always thought she was a beautiful woman but now, I see her inner beauty and strength.
One thing I did not realize before reading the book was that Toke lost her parents at an early age. I can’t imagine what she went through but I admire the fact that she was able to bring herself this far.
I am so proud of the way she wrote everthing. I’ve heard some people say that she only put him in the worst light but to be honest, some of those stories aren’t necessarily painting her in the best light and that is what is so amazing about this book. There are certain things a lot of women go through in relationships that they keep to themselves just because of how embarrassed they are. I have gone through it and so have a lot of other women. Toke, however, said everything. When I read that he gave her an STI, I gasped!
This book touched my life in so many ways because I can relate. Our situations might not be exactly the same but that hurt she felt is felt by so many women today and I am so thankful to Toke for having the bravery to write her story and give us the courage as women that we deserve better.
Men like Maje Ayida are a dime a dozen which is very unfortunate because a lot of women just want to be loved and it’s sad that there are men who just enjoy to play with the hearts of others. We hear the stories all the time. Every woman has experienced or knows someone that has experienced craziness in their relationships. One thing I don’t understand and I want to ask the men is that at some point, don’t ya’ll get tired of all the games? It’s just crazy that some men just want to keep on living that baby boy lifestyle all their lives.
Anyway, while we can spend time going on about the men, we women need to start talking to ourselves. We should start lifting each other up instead of putting each other down. We also need to learn not to take crap from these men. God loves us too much for a human being to make us feel unhappy and unloved. I really feel like we need to start praying that God leads us on the path to finding the one that he has made specially for us.
We also need to start listening to our instincts more. Toke saw the signs from miles away but she ignored them. While it is easy to judge her situation, there are a lot of women who experience the same things and it is easy to fall into that. This is why we have to love ourselves more and realize that we deserve more.
This book was amazing to me. Some of the things Toke wrote are things that I have read or seen or discussed over and over again but for some reason it became clearer after I read the book. I am by no means perfect and I am also learning and praying for my future as I go. This book really made me think and reflect. Toke Makinwa did her very own LEMONADE!
Jokes aside. Thank you, Toke Makinwa. Thank you.