‘Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.
– Alfred Lord Tennyson
I have always wanted Love. I have always craved Love. And why wouldn’t I? Love is an extreme from of high that constantly gives you an out-of-body experience. Love makes you feel things that you never thought was humanly possible. Love. Love is magic. Love is light. Love is God.
And that’s why, even though I have had my heart ripped out of my chest and trampled upon like rags, I would do it all again. I would love all over again.
In turning 22, the truth is that even though I want to love, I am not ready for it right at the moment. I had a deep intense love for the previous man in my life. As much as I do not want to admit it, he is my first love. He is the first person that I ever gave my all to. Now, did he love me back? He would tell you that he did – to fulfil all righteousness – but I know that he didn’t because I loved him and I would have never treated him the way he treated me.
So due to this experience, my heart just wants to take a little break and recover and regroup and spend some time falling in love with myself – as cliché as that sounds.
I have not given up on love. Just taking a little break. I want to feel it again though. That feeling of love can neither be explained or described. It just is what it is and I feel sympathy for those that have never really gotten a chance to feel that burning intensity in your bones. And I hope that at the end of my 22nd year, I would have gotten to a place where I am peace with myself and ready to restart my heart again with someone who feels for me the way I do him.