DAY 6: Love is a choice

Yeah, I know, I haven’t written in a few days. I told you guys that I would try to be consistent; I didn’t guarantee that I would. I have actually been really busy and I just could not get to it but tonight, I have a thought to share.

Many of you who have read my blog for years know that I am a romantic. I believe in true love and I just genuinely love, love. In the past I had never been scared to express this to those that I cared about. I mean, yeah I was scared but I always thought that it was better to say how you felt and damn the consequences.

But, I realise that when it came to the subject of love, I’ve been extremely naïve. I thought love was just all about feeling. Thank God for growth? Amen?

I’ve learned that love is a choice. A lot of people don’t understand that the heart is evil. The Bible says that the heart is “desperately wicked.” The heart seeks pleasure above all else. And that is where our feelings emanate. One has to be careful not to be deceived by it. If you say you love someone just based off of a feeling, my dear, I think you need to re-evaluate your definition of love.

I read something a few years ago that I would never forget. It’s one of my favourite quotes, from the book “Captain Corelli’s Mandolin”. It says:

“Love is a temporary madness, it erupts like volcanoes and then subsides. And when it subsides, you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion, it is not the desire to mate every second minute of the day, it is not lying awake at night imagining that he is kissing every cranny of your body. No, don’t blush, I am telling you some truths. That is just being “in love”, which any fool can do. Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident.”

Human beings are fickle. We can easily change our minds at the drop of a hat. Think of that shirt or sweater that you ‘loved’ so much four years ago, do you even remember where it is? Even if you do, how much of that love is still there? I know human beings are not shirts or sweaters but do you get my point? Will you leave this person that you claim to love if the worst thing of their lives happened to them? What if that sexy body you loved so much in your partner changes after a while, would you still love them?

All I’m saying is, love is not all about feelings. It is a choice you make every single day. You choose to love that person no matter what happens. You have to be intentional about it so that it becomes you. Remember I said that the heart seeks pleasure above all else; now if one day, the heart didn’t want that person anybody but sought after another, would you then leave that person to chase after the other?

Through the grace of God, this year, I have been wiser when it comes to love. While I think it’s good to be honest about your feelings, I also think that one needs to be wise in the manner in which they express it too. I think one needs to gauge where those feelings are coming from and ensure that they come from a place that has roots and not just from random feelings that the heart produces everyday.

In my loving, I choose people. I choose them every day.

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