Dolly Writes

Journey of a growing woman

Category: 17

The hiatus

Its been a while since I posted on this blog. I keep going to it day after day and I keep saying that I will come back to it soon but its been such a long time.

Today, I decided that I will post a little something to explain the reason for my hiatus. Lol…You might not care much but I will explain anyway.

So, this writer’s block of a thing is really serious. I find myself not finding anything to write. Its actually really serious right now. Its actually affecting me real bad and its making me feel like I am losing myself.

It really sucks but I’m trying day by day to find my inspiration again. Actually, I think I might be finding a new reason to write. So, I’m just trying to get my thoughts together to put something brilliant together.

I have also been going through this major transition in my life and its kind of adventurous and frustrating. I am doing things that I will not do not normally do.

Its adventurous because its like I am being put on a journey and it is different and I am trying to enjoy the ride. However, it feels frustrating as well because I don’t know where this ride is taking me.

I am nervous of it ending badly and having to deal with pain yet again. The ride is fun right now and I am loving it right now and I am hoping that it will take me to such a high point.

This transition is just so different. Its almost driving me bonkers but I am loving it. I am acting on impulse. I am smiling more. I am laughing more. I feel like I have a reason to wake up every morning. 

Its a great feeling. This transition has prevented me from writing much. So, that’s another reason. I am going to come back though because I need to.

It isn’t a want; It’s a NEED right now. I need to write. It is absolutely necessary. If I don’t, I am afraid of what will become of me. I’m sounding dramatic right? I know but that’s exactly how I feel. So, I am hoping you guys will be here when I am back.

Thanks for reading.

 

Love,

Dolly.

Xo!

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Phenomenal Woman

Hi everyone,

Right now, I am in a really good mood. A bit sleepy but in a good mood. These are one of those times when I feel really blessed and I thank God for his favour and mercies. I don’t really feel like this often so I am basking in the positive energy that I feel right now. Anyway today is day 17 of this challenge that I have been on since forever and I am to show you guys a favourite picture of myself and why. So, brace yourselves 😀 Image

As of right now guys, I have to say that this is my favourite picture of myself. In fact, when I saw what today’s challenge was, I knew that this was the picture that I was going to pick. My friend took this picture of me when I went for her nephew’s naming ceremony or ‘our nephew’ as we call him. She handed me a scarf because we were going to pray and so I just sort of tied it this way (although I didn’t wear it like that for the prayer session) and if you notice I have a piece of my braid tied up with it which I didn’t even realise until after. I was wearing my big cousin’s dress because the bigger dress I wanted to wear didn’t seem appropriate to her. Lol. And my friends and I were sitting at the balcony just gisting while we left the sitting room for the adults. We chilled here before the ceremony started. So, my friend took this picture and I thought it was awesome and then I made it black and white and I was like ‘DAMMMMMNNNNNNNNNNNNNN, I LOOK GOOD’ LOL.

Now, I love this picture for so many reasons. I have always battled with self esteem issues. It has always been a problem for me and I hate it because having a low self esteem makes you look weak and it reduces your confidence. It is a terrible terrible disease and I always have issues with telling myself that I am beautiful. However, this picture tells a whole different story to me. I look at this picture and I say to myself ‘This is a beautiful African woman’.

I feel really beautiful in this picture, I look confident and I look strong. This picture doesn’t display weakness in anyway, I feel like I am the true daughter of all these famous black women like Miriam Makeba and Maya Angelou and of course, my mother :D. This picture makes me feel like I can conquer the world. It might not make sense that I am making such a big deal out of a picture. I don’t really expect anyone to understand how I really feel about it. Its just so amazing to me that at the click of that camera, a flash of strength showed. This sort of strength does not rear its head for me so often. It just made me realise that I have it in me, I have it in me to change the world in my own way.

This picture shows hope and strength for me. You guys might not see it but that’s how it looks to me. One of these days, I will go out and blow it up and keep it in a place where I can see it so that I can always remind myself how great I am. In the words of Aibileen (The Help), I’ll keep telling myself:

You is Kind

You is Smart

You is Important.

And in my own words:

You is Strong

You is Great

You is Beautiful.

Thanks for reading guys. You lot always put a smile on my face.

Love,

Dolly.

Xo!

My Lot

Image

Hey guys,

Day 16 today. I have been avoiding this particular post for a long time and that’s why it took me so long to write it. So, today I am supposed to talk about the difficulties of my ‘lot in life’ and how I am working to overcome them. Please read on.

I am barely an adult but yet I can say that I have gone through and seen a lot in my life. I try to hold all my issues in and not share it with others because of two reasons:

1. I don’t want want anyone telling me that my problem ain’t a problem. I mean, I know that many people go through worse situations than I do but I don’t want anyone telling me that. This is because at that particular time, it is a problem to me and if you were in my shoes, you will see it as a problem too.

2. I don’t want anyone judging me so sometimes I just prefer to keep things to myself.

I used to be someone that always showed my weakness to the whole world but as I have become older, I have learnt that some people could care less about your issues and many just want to know your business so I have learnt to portray strength. Its hard sometimes but its good.

I won’t say my life is the easiest one but I appreciate it because I believe that whenever tough situations are shoved my way, it means that God really believes that I have the strength to make it through. So it makes me feel good that God trusts me enough to handle it because He will never give us something that we can’t handle.

I have also learnt that it is better to focus and be grateful for the things that you got rather than being sad and depressed over the things you don’t have. So, sometimes my end may not seem as rosy but Its all part of growth, so I appreciate the good times as well as the bad.

 

Love,

Dolly.

Xo!

A typical summer’s day

Lovely morning guys,

Its day 15 ya’ll. It has taken me long to write on this particular challenge. Its cause this challenge was particularly a bit more difficult to accomplish than the rest. When I mention it, It mention it, it might not sound as difficult but, trust me, it was harder than it might sound. So, basically, I was to take photos of my typical day. To be honest, I tried but I couldn’t get that done. First of all, I was too lazy to do that and secondly, most of my summer has been indoors and I am not so confident with you guys seeing me in my comfort zone cause my comfort zone ain’t so pretty.Lol. So I decided to give just highlights of my day, instead of pictures. Well, its just 3am today, Sept 10..so i’ll give the highlights of yesterday, sept 9. Read on, guys. Merci.

! So I woke up this morning by 10 am or so. To be honest, I kept tossing and turning. I kept on waking up but I refused to get up because I wasn’t ready to face the worries of the day. Eventually, I decided to get up by 10.

! Washed dishes afterwards. Then, after looking at Linda Ikeji’s blog and twitter, I just watching TV. 

! Wanted to cook me some food but the kitchen was being used so I just ate some cereal. Then, later after a while, I cooked what I wanted to eat.

! Before I ate, I started sorting out some stuff for my school and thankfully, I sort of got it handled. 

! Afterwards, I watched more TV. Then, I went to take a shower.

! I felt tired after I took the shower so I slept off. When I woke up, it was to another stressful phone call. Won’t give the deets on that however. I was just really stressed after and I almost broke down but I refused to. So I just drank a cup of tea and watched Braxton Family values.

! I felt better after the tea. I have found out that a cup of tea can make you feel better about things. Its like releasing stress fumes through feeling the steam of the hot boiling water. Anyway, decided to finish season 4 of Braxton Family Values since I don’t really have much to do.

! When I finished at about 11 pm, I warmed my food and I decided to eat it while starting the TV show, Revenge. I have heard wonderful things about it and since well, all my shows are on a break, I decided to watch it.

! And into the morning of the next day, I am still watching it and I’m pretty sure I’ll wake up late  to begin the same cycle. *sigh*. Hopefully, I will start the day with less stress than the day before.

Typical day. 

Love,

Dolly.

Xo!

 

Letting it out

Hey fellow humans,

Ayayayai, I have so many things I want to talk about right now. I am not in the best of moods about these issues. I am just really really upset about them to be very honest and I feel so much anger in my heart. I feel so emotional about them and before I bore you with my feelings, lets get to them.

Okay, so about an hour ago, I saw a video about Senator Yerima, Stella Damascus and some others arguing on Al-jazeera about this ‘Child not Bride’ situation. Now, since the first day I heard about this crazed idea, I was not in support of it at all. However, I was still trying to process why Senator Yerima will think this is right. Today, however I was just fired up with so much anger. Up until today, I never actually thought that this ‘man’ would have slept with this girl. I actually thought that he wouldn’t stoop that low. Today, when I heard him open his mouth filled with filth and say that he got this girl pregnant at the age of fifteen, I was infuriated. How do you get a girl pregnant at 15? A girl old enough to be your granddaughter? Oh my dayss…I am still shaken by this. Nothing can justify this. The girl will soon be 18 years old and I just keep thinking that it could be me in that position. It could be my friend or my sisters. The visuals of this old man climbing on top of that girl..Lord..I am just filled with disgust. I am so upset about this whole situation.

Secondly, I have a problem with forced marriage. This sort of has to do with the first one. This one kind of hits me a bit more personally. Okay, what I have to say may sound a bit crazy but please just carry on reading. So, some days ago, I had a bad dream sort of. I dreamt about being forced into marriage with my uncle. What hurt the most was the fact that no one was standing by my side..no one at all. Everyone was trying to get me into this marriage and I was literally fighting with everything in me. It felt so real guys. I was upset, annoyed, disgusted. I was NOT going to be treated in that manner. No one was going to force me into marriage, That was how I felt.

When I woke up, I was like ‘How do people go through this?’ Personally, I felt like I had a voice for myself and I was able to withstand any pressure from anybody. Then, I remembered that there are so many kids my age; some younger than me who have no one to speak for them and they are just being forced into marriage. They can do absolutely nothing about it. Some of them die during childbirth because they cannot handle it. I hate the idea that I cannot do anything about it. I am only doing what I know best which is writing. I am hoping that God gives me the grace to handle this in the future.

I am done with letting it spill… .Com

Boom!

Love,

Emotionally-ridden Dolly.

Xo!

911

Hi guys,
Today has been a stressful..well yesterday because its morning already. Anyway, lately I have been having a tough time. I cant even lie about it. I have been stressed out of my mind. The truth is lately, I don’t cry anymore; I mean I do but not as much anymore. I just talk out loud to God or I laugh out loud. Sometimes, it seems I’m going crazy. Today, (or yesterday), I was in the train and I was listening to music on my phone. It was on shuffle so I was just listening to whatever came on.

This song came on and I have had it on my phone for like the longest time. I have listened to it thousands of times but it didn’t make as much sense to me as it did today. I had been trying to block out everything that I had been going through and listening to this song just reminded me of all I was feeling.

I had forgotten that I was stressed. I had forgotten that I was going through a lot in my head. I refused to believe that I needed to sort of just let go and let God. So when I listened to it, it was like my subconscious was crying out for help and this song made me believe that God was still there for me. I am just trying to let it all out.

Guys, just enjoy this song. It is special and it shows an awesome side of God as not just Creator of all but a gentle friend and father.

Love,

Dolly.

Xo!

My pills of happiness

Hey guyssssssssssssssssss,

How are ya’ll doing today? Anyway, ya’ll know that I’m back with today’s challenge so let’s get to it. Today, I am supposed to tell you guys about ten things that make me happy. Lol..I know you guys probably couldn’t care less but please just bear with me. The challenge made me do it.

1. God: I mean, the King of Kings has a way of making me smile. When I remember all that God has done for me, it kind of makes me feel better about everything. I mean, it isn’t by my will but His that I get to wake up every morning hale and hearty so, God is one of the major factors of my happiness.

2. Music: Like you didn’t know already, Lol. I love music. Music makes me smile. I love that there is music for like every mood. I just love listening to music all the time. Everyone who knows me knows that I could be very selfish with my ear phones because that is my tool. The instrument that I use to listen to my music so yes, Music definitely makes me really happy.

3. Blogging: I really really love blogging. Since I started it last year, it has just opened up a new side of me that I never really though existed. I just love the fact that I can come up with stuff and I can just write for people and feel good about it. Blogging is amazing. I just love it.

4. Books: Hayyyy…I am working on having a large personal library. I love books. When I step into Waterstones – which is my favourite book store – I inhale the smell of the books first. That place is like paradise. I just love reading books. I am not the type to buy like e-books. Nahh men..That ain’t my style. I love owning my own books like the hard copy. Books are just really awesome.

5. Being surrounded with positivity: I love being around people that get me and are positive. I could be very negative sometimes, so its good to have people around me that could bring out the positive side of me.

6. Being confided in: I love when people confide in me. It makes me feel special and appreciated. I just love being there for people and being trusted. It brings me closer to people and that just feels great.

7. Going to the movies: I love going to the cinema to watch movies. That is one of my favourite past times. I would do it every weekend if I could. Lol. I love going with people as well because going to the movies alone ain’t cool but anyway its just a fun activity for me.

8. Watching TV shows: Tv shoes are the best especially the ones I watch; Drop dead diva, White collar, Scandal, Pretty Little Liars, Keeping up with the Kardashians, Braxton Family Values, America’s next top model, The Big Bang Theory..Wowww..That is quite a few. Lol. sometimes I even go back to watch some old shows that have ended. Like, earlier this year, I went to watch Charmed that’s started in ’98 and ended in ’06. Now, I’m watching 24. Well what can I say?

9. Dreaming: I actually like dreaming. Haha. I like dreaming when I sleep because some of the best things only happens in dreams. I don’t like the bad ones though..who does? but the good ones are really really special.

10. Making others happy: I love making people happy. Seeing a smile on another person’s face because of something I have done for them literally melts my heart. I just love people giving me a chance to do that. A smile is really priceless.

And I know..that I’m done with my 10 but I just had to add a bonus. Another thing that makes me happy is…yh you guessed it..BRUNO MARS!! Yayyy…Lol..Bruno Mars really makes me happy. I cant even explain the smile that Bruno Mars puts on my face. Watching him is amazing. Listening to his music is a blessing. I just love, love, love him.

Done, done. I am so silly..Lol…Please guys..just manage this. Kisses.

Love,

Dolly.

Xo!

An apology letter to my future soulmate

Day 13 guys. Whooooo!!!!!!!Lol.. This challenge should have been done like ages ago but whatever. So anyway, today I am supposed to issue a public apology to whoever so being the emotional nut that I am, I decided to write one to the man that would be lucky enough to have me and vice versa.

Hi honey, baby, lover, sugar, darling, love of my life, bobo to shan,

Lol. I don’t know which one you would like because I haven’t met you yet so I just gave a variety of names. The fact that I am going to marry you or I am married to you must mean that I saw something special in you and I must have thought things through. You know me well and you know that I can be very silly and act on impulse without thinking but there are matters such as marriage that I take very seriously and I have to think and think and be at least 95 per cent sure before I jump into it. I say 95 per cent because honestly, no one can ever be too sure and I like to see that extra 5 per cent as a sacrifice that I am willing to give. Therefore, the fact that I sacrificed my 5 per cent of uncertainty must mean that I love you more than you know.

Thinking in advance, I feel you must have been crazy picking me as your girl for life. I say this because I know how much of a handful I can be. I come with a lot of complaints, a lot of tears and a maze of emotions. I can be smiling one minute and the next, I am gazing into thin air with tears in my eyes. However, I am really hoping that its not as bad in the future as I am imagining in my head. I know, that sometimes in your head, you may feel like I am too much but you choose to stay because you love me.

I am therefore apologising for my behaviour. I am apologising for the fact that I use past experiences to judge who you truly are to me. I am sorry that I try to push you away over and over again when I know in my heart of hearts that you are not going anywhere. I am sorry that I bore you with complaints of nothing in particular.

I am sorry that you hate the music on my phone but I still insist on playing it out loud without a care in the world. I am sorry that I don’t know how to take the best pictures but you still smile and put them on whatever social networks is the ‘thing’ then. I am sorry that I can be so slow at cooking but I am hoping to change that..Lol. I am sorry that I never let you watch the movies you choose. I am sorry that you get to sit through a Bruno Mars concert with me when you don’t like him as much. (Well I am seriously hoping that I am wrong about this one and that you do like him). I am sorry for the times I yell at you during those certain times when I’m having hormonal issues when you don’t deserve it at all.

However, you know I love you more than anything in the world and in another life, I’ll pick you over and over again. Thank you for your love and your understanding everyday and I am hoping that we will face the trials and tribulations of life together with our heads held high.

I love you bubba, cupcake, chocolate pumpkin, sugar banana, My man……in the future. Hahaha.

There you have it guys. Its a little cheesy I know but I hope you guys can accept it and love it the way I do..teeheeheee

Love,

Dolly.

Xo!

I miss….

Hi guys,

So today is day 12. I am just glad to be moving forward in this challenge. Today, I am supposed to talk about something I miss so sit back, relax and read.

So I have spoken about this like so much and you would think my answer would change about it but it still hasn’t. I have always been a big music person. I was born into it. I don’t mean like my parents were artists or anything but from an early age, I have just been into it. My dad always played the key board in the morning and I remember having a teacher teaching me ‘do re mi’ before I really knew my ‘a b c’s’. I went to music school when I was about 6 years old and was there for about 3 years before I went to secondary school. I took it for granted. I loved playing music but my teacher was like really tough. Going into secondary school, I was sort of drawn to music, maybe because what I was been taught in the first year, I already knew. So I kind if identified with it.

I was close to my music teacher. He was like my guardian. I started playing for the band. Might seem lame but I assure you guys, it was like one of the coolest things ever. The coolest people were in the band. All the head boys that passed through my school were members of the band. The guys that I was afraid of were in the band. Some of the senior girls were there as well. It was amazing. However, my teacher was tough but he got results. His toughness made the band amazing. Rehearsals could go far into the night. Being a part of that drained my energy especially because we had to juggle school work and music work. I will not lie. As much as I loved being a part of the band, I also hated it as much. My teacher was an amazing man. He knew his music but he could say the meanest things but it was to get the best out of us. However, I didn’t understand that so instead of being motivated, I felt put-down.

I played clarinet but I wasn’t the best because I really didn’t want to be. It was too much pressure and I didn’t have time to practise as much. I took it for granted. I was someone that could give the life history of Handel straight from my head but along the way, I lost it. I lost my ability to play any of the instruments I learned. I still know some minor things but I am not as good as I want to be. I have lost everything and it sucks to me because I feel like I have lost a greater part of my life and I miss it and I am working on getting my abilities back. I miss being able to rehearse and I just miss it. 

So basically, story of my life. 

Love,

Dolly.

Xo!

Good Girl

Hi guys,

 So today is day 11. I am supposed to sell myself to you guys in 10 words or less. I don’t know how to say it but I’ll let Christina say it for ya.

This is like super funny to me because I do not know how to compliment myself but there is one thing I know..*singing* I am a good girllllllllllll*

 

Love,

Dolly.

Xo!