So, today I guess you can say I had time. I worked from 7.45 to 5.30 yesterday so today was a resting day for me. I had heard about this Trump thing when it came out but I did not pay much attention to it. So, today I watched the video that Trump said about grabbing women’s p***y and I also listened to the audio of the interview he had with Howard Stern and I was so disgusted. I said a lot on Twitter so I am just going to put my tweets on here.
This Trump thing is like an episode of Scandal ya'll
Once upon a time, I found myself in a closet. It was dark. I was there staring into the darkness accepting what I began to see as my consequence. Lifted up and prodded like a piece of meat. Like, I did not matter. Like, I only existed to be violated. Then, left to deal with it on my own. Left to feel dirty and disgusting. Left to feel like it was my fault. Like I wanted it. Not even Sorry. Not even an apology.
I feel not worthy existing. I am in that closet again. I keep finding myself in that dark place where I look on. Isn’t it ironic that the place where I was violated is the same place my mind runs to when I am scared and alone?
So, lets talk about periods. Yes, that monthly visitor that we never like to see but have to, anyway. Honestly, I believe for most women, the only reason why we hope to see our periods is just to confirm that we are not pregnant.
Lol. Anyway, its the way God planned it so it is the way it has to be.
So, I first had my period when I was just about to turn 11 years old and I was in secondary school – boarding school – at the time. As at then, the only thing I knew about in terms of sanitary instruments was pads. I had never heard of tampons before in my life. I, especially knew about the pads because there were these ‘Always’ ads that I used to see back home in Nigeria. They were so entertaining. Lol. Honestly, some of the best ads are the tampons and pads ads.
Anyway, for the first year of my period, I only knew about pads. That all changed one Saturday afternoon. So, I was back home for the holidays and my mum wanted to take my siblings and I swimming. However, that day, I got my period and I was upset because I so badly wanted to swim. So, my mum said that there was a way I could. She told me she would give me a tampon. I was like ‘C’est Quoi? What is that? She took me to her room and showed me this small item that would supposedly have to go up my vagina. It sounded really uncomfortable. I was young and I had never even heard of this thing until that day so, my mum had to put it on for me.
First of all, it was painful. Secondly, just as I thought it was uncomfortable. The concept of being able to wear it and swim seemed nice but honestly it made me feel very weird. Anyway, I hated it so much that I wanted it off but I did not want to tell my mum because I did not want to upset her with whining so, I did the next best thing, which was to hope that rain fell so we would not have to swim. Well, God must have had some pity on me because that rain fell and it fell good. Lol. It started to fall when we got to the pool so we had to go back. As soon as I went home, I took it off and wore my very comfortable pad.
This was about 8 years ago so a lot has obviously changed with me as a woman. I am more comfortable in my femininity than I was back then. So, the things I never thought would change about me has changed. For one, I love tampons now. The truth is when my mum first introduced me to tampons, I was used to something else which was pads and I do not usually like to break out of the norm at first, especially when it is not my idea. I finally explored tampons at a time that I felt comfortable. A couple of months ago, I tried them for the first time since I was 12 and I finally understood why people love them so much.As of right now, I’m not exclusive to any one of them. I use both for different reasons and I’ll tell you.
Pads – I have worn pads the longest and I love it sometimes and hate it sometime. One thing I like about pads is that I can be wear it longer than a tampon. I normally time how long I wear it. So, if I am having a light flow, I try to change it every 5 hours and if its heavy, 4 hours. However, if I have to change it earlier, I would know to do that because I can see it and still wear it. With a tampon, you only take it out with the intention of throwing it away. Also, I can always depend on pads. I can wear it at any time – whether my flow is heavy or light.
Tampons – Now, I only just started wearing tampons but I enjoy it most times. Unlike before, it does not make me uncomfortable when I wear it anymore and it makes me feel comfortable wearing any type of underwear. There is also a freedom that comes with it. You can do more with a tampon on than a pad. I feel cleaner with it most times because the fact that I don’t see anything just makes me feel like I am not walking with a big sign on my head. However, I can’t seem to wear it when I am having heavy flow, maybe I have been using the wrong ones, I don’t know. So, I can’t always depend on them as I would like. Also, the change times are shorter. I change them every 2-3 hours.
Now…which one do I prefer?
I do not prefer one or the other. I like them for different reasons and I use them at different times. I use Pads when I am having a heavy flow and I use tampons when they are not as heavy.
As women, we have to do whatever feels right for our bodies and so, this is not me giving advice but just sparking a conversation about this natural thing that happens to us. So, I do want to hear your opinion. Vote on the poll below on which you prefer and leave your comments on this post.
So, three days ago, I was scrolling through The Shaderoom as it is a regular ritual of mine, minding my own business when all of a sudden, I came across a picture of Brad and Angelina with a caption, saying that Angelina had filed for divorce. As soon as I saw that, I checked a whole bunch of other credible sources like E! and People’s Magazine and they confirmed that this rumour was true. Now, I would not lie, my first subconscious reaction was to chuckle. Yeah, I gave a good ke ke. You know why? Cause I never cared for the way they got together anyway!
Listen, divorce is never a good or easy thing and they have 6 children who, I feel sorry for that they have to go through this….but…I am sorry, you cannot start a relationship with somebody on that sort of foundation and believe that it would last forever (even though, they started to seem like the exception).
I hate cheating with all my heart. I know everybody makes mistakes and I am far from perfect but I do not understand how a person would intentionally hurt the person that they vowed in front of God to be with forever. Now, not only did Brad cheat with Angelina, they humiliated Jennifer Aniston. Now, you know I love Jennifer Aniston. Chick, sure knows how to make me laugh. They humiliated this woman in front of the whole world. I even remember reading an article where Brad basically said that his time with Jen was a waste.
Now, the situation at this moment is that Brad has been allegedly abusive with their kids which I never would have thought will be the case. They always seemed like great parents who really love their kids. Abuse is a really strong word. You know, growing up in a Nigerian home, I got spanked as a kid, if I did something wrong. It was nothing abusive, just a disciplinary action and I understood that. I just wonder what abuse, here means. Anyway, I just don’t want to believe that Brad would intentionally hurt his kids.
Angelina also allegedly has issues with Brad because he drinks too much alcohol and smokes too much weed. Well, I can understand how she would have issues with that. While, Angelina has had issues with drugs in the past, she has definitely grown and she is a mother now. When you become a parent, you have to let go of certain things. If Brad is doing that, it is something that I can understand she will be mad at.
Anyway, I do hope that this does not become too messy, especially for the sake of kids. For their sake, I wish that Angelina and Brad did not have to go through this. I feel bad for laughing but I just could not help but think that their foundation was not the best to begin with.
A couple of years ago, during my A-Levels, I was having an evening class on Government and Politics. I had already had a couple of classes that day so I was tired and hungry. So, right before the class was to begin, I took a walk to Tesco to get some snacks that I could eat so that I would not faint.:)
As I was approaching Tesco, a young dude approached me. I did not know him and I had never seen him before but he came to me and told me this:
I’m sorry that I had to stop you but I wanted to let you know that you are very beautiful. I’m sorry, I just had to tell you that.
I was in a state of shock and my mouth was too because I could not seem to close it. In my state of shock and confusion, I was able to tell him thank you. I have never seen or spoken to that guy since then but I remember every detail of that meeting. I remember what I was wearing, how I was walking, how he looked. I remember it because he made me feel very good inside. I had never met anyone that was in awe of my beauty; someone that did not even know me. Sometimes, during moments of despair, chaos or low self esteem, I remember that guy…because that feeling of confidence and happiness that came over me in that moment are feelings that cannot be forgotten.
This brings me to a quote by a woman I adore with all my heart, Maya Angelou (Rest her soul), where she said:
People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did but people will never forget how you made them feel
The point of my story is that this world can be chaotic and trying and sometimes, it could send you over the edge. However, every now and again, you meet someone or people who just make you feel good inside and could change your entire outlook on life. How about we be those people? How about we be those people that others want to be around because of how me make them feel?
I just want to encourage us all to be people that make others feel good about themselves and great. I want to make a change and do my best to be one of those people. Maybe we can help make the world a little bit easier for those that we come across.
I wrote this story a little while ago and I thought it will be nice to share. Hope you like it. Special thanks to my friend, Enuamaka for help with editing the story for me.
He had been in Afghanistan for the last three months. There were good days and there were bad days. There were days when the sun was shining, leaves were falling and all the other soldiers were laughing. Nobody died on those days and he loved days like that.But there were days when he felt like a dead man walking.
On those days, the stench of death was in the air and he just wanted to be home. Monday happened to be one of those days.On Monday, he woke up feeling optimistic. Monday would be a good day because all the signs of a good day were there. Nothing could go wrong. Or so he thought.
As the day wore on, he couldn’t help but feel uneasy, as though the calm would not last for long.On this day, he was assigned patrol duty. He was to go get patrol with seven other guys from his platoon. He did not mind patrolling. So, he was up to it but this uneasy feeling just kept creeping up and he was not sure what to make of it.
After breakfast and a good laugh with his friends, he got fully dressed and headed to the patrol car. There were two. He was going to be in the second vehicle with three others while the first vehicle was going to be leading. He got in and they started to move.
He was having a good time singing with his mates and having a nice time until…the vehicle in front of them exploded.It was an IED. There were no survivors. The men in his patrol car drove back to camp as fast as they could. They knew there was nothing they could do in that moment for their fallen brothers. He was shaken up.
As soon as he got back to camp, he went to a corner to be by himself. After he puked out his breakfast, he cried. This was one of those days.Later that day, he felt this strong need to call home. So, he stood in the line waiting while the other soldiers ahead front of him spoke on the phone. As he waited, he thought about his mother and his sisters. He thought about how he missed them and wanting to let them know he was alright.
When it was his turn, he did not call his mother or his sisters. Instead, he called her. He loved his family but she…she was the calm to his storm. She was the one that made him feel like everything had not completely fallen apart and besides, he knew that she would reach out to his family for him.
He had had a bad day and all he wanted to do was hear her voice. When he heard her say ‘Hello’ on the other end, he knew. He knew that in that moment, that everything was going to be alright.
I am a big fan of Nicki Minaj and when her album – The Pinkprint – dropped in 2015, I was excited. I was more excited to watch her short film on it but I never found the time. It’s either I would be doing something when I remembered or I would just not remember when I have the time. I finally watched it a couple of minutes ago and I loved it. I got inspired to write something based on the songs displayed in the short film. It’s been a while since I wrote poetry-like posts. I am very rusty and I’m the first to admit that it’s not the best but I’ll improve as I practice more. One thing I can tell you though is I put my heart into it and wrote it as best as I could. I hope you all like it.
The Crying Game
It starts in my throat
There is this sore pain
that I feel when I try to swallow
Then it works its way to my stomach
That feels like it is sinking
Then I start to feel my eyes water
And then I feel my heart about to explode
So I just let it out
This routine – I am used to
I feel myself die over and over again
It’s a sickening game
It’s a game of two hearts
the heart that breaks wins
why do you make it so easy?
In this game of hearts,
my heart has won a thousand times
I want to run
run far away
i can’t be what you want me to be
you want forever?
i can’t promise you that
how can i be sure?
how can i be sure that you won’t hurt me?
you think you want me?
one day you will look at me
and not love me
you want to know a truth?
i do love you
that’s the problem!
I remember the day i told you I loved you
I almost bit my tongue
because I knew I couldn’t take it back
You knew…and now my heart was out and naked
That day, I knew I was fucked
I let you in and now you are a part of me
My mind, my heart, my body, my soul
if you were a drug
Then I’m an addict
You’re not good for me
but i keep wanting you
Lots of liessss
Lots of hurt
How is that I am still alive?
You keep playing my heart
Like a grand piano