Dolly Writes

Journey of a growing woman

Category: Opinions/Commentary

#PrayforManchester

You know, I can honestly say that the UK has been like a second home to me. I came here when I was 15 years old to begin my higher education. In the last six years, I have lived in about 5 towns/cities, visited over 10 towns/cities and I have passed through countless whether via tube, train, bus or car.

When you live in a country like this, it is not very hard to travel and due to the ability to travel so easily, you find yourself going to different places. I’m in London right now and it is about 10.06 pm. If my friends called me to come down to Milton Keynes right now and I was feeling really spontaneous, I could be there in the next 3 hours. This is one of the reasons why I have loved being here. The ease of being able to travel to see my friends and enjoy life has been one of my highlights.

Early yesterday morning, when I woke up to find out that Manchester had been attacked, my heart shifted. To hear that it happened at Ariana Grande’s concert in Manchester just really made me feel terrible. Just a couple of weeks ago, I was in Birmingham at Bruno Mars’ concert. Everyone that knows me knows how much I love Bruno Mars and I almost  wasn’t going to go for the concert because I didn’t have enough money but I felt like I had to be there. So, as soon as I got some money, I was there. So, I know that the people that went for this concert were only going to have some fun and party with their favourite artist.

It sucks that we can’t go anywhere and feel safe anymore. We hear of terrorist attacks happening in churches, nightclubs, concerts, on the roads, in schools and it just feels like nowhere is safe anymore.

But what can we do?

As one person, all I can do is pray for peace. Honestly, I don’t mean to be a cynic but these days, I just feel like this world is falling apart and there is no helping it and there are days when I am losing hope. However, I won’t let them get to me and so,  I continue to pray for those that have lost their loved ones or have been injured in this senseless act and I pray for peace in their lives. I cannot even imagine the pain they feel and all I can pray for is peace. I know that Ariana must hurt so bad; she might feel like it’s her fault. It’s not her fault though. The people that should be blamed are the ones causing all this hurt and pain. It’s unfortunate that there are people that believe that any good can come out of hurting other people.

We can’t let them win though. We can’t stop living our lives because of them. They don’t get to win. What we can do is to live everyday to the fullest and love everyone and be kind to everyone.

As, someone that has lived here for as long as I have, it definitely hits close to home. I could feel the sadness in the air and it’s just sad. So, I pray for Manchester today and the UK as a whole and I pray for peace for us all.

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Review: 13 Reasons Why

So, I recently finished watching this new show on Netflix – 13 Reasons Why – and it has to be one of the most realest, rawest, depressing things that I have seen in a long time. I thoroughly enjoy watching TV shows and prior to its debut, I saw it being advertised on Netflix. As Pretty Little Liars is coming to an end, I have been looking for similar shows like it to watch and when I watched the trailer of this, I thought to myself that this could be it.

I did not realise that the show had been adapted from a book (written by Jay Asher) and so even though from the trailer, it was obvious that they were discussing suicide, I did not realise that the story will be as deep as it was. I was wrong.

The story revolves around Clay Jensen – a boy whose friend/crush (Hannah Baker) committed suicide and he receives a box of tapes that has been recorded by Hannah which details why she decided to kill herself.

The show already starts off sad but the further you go, it takes you into a world of sex, drugs, rape, slut shaming, depression, suicide, bullying and just about the dark things that teenagers go through that people just do not want to talk about. The show is raw and it just depicts all of it so clearly that nothing is implied–it doesn’t have to be because you can see it happening. The show is anything but subtle and honestly, it is not easy to stomach. However, it is a story that people need to see because it is happening everyday but we like to act as though it isn’t.

It is interesting because I was reading a recap of the show where someone wrote that it is kind of unrealistic that Clay listens to the tapes so slowly. However, someone wrote a comment whereby the person stated that it is interesting that there are 13 reasons for each episode (as the show comprises of 13 episodes). So, the person asks…how did you watch it? Did you binge-watch it like the other students in the show or did you watch it slowly like Clay? You have to imagine, Clay is hearing the voice of someone he loved and cared for and she is detailing all the pain she went through and witnessed and you can hear it in her voice. For me, at first, it was easy to watch the first couple of episodes because I was just getting to know the characters and so I was not as invested. As the show went on though, and I got to know the characters such as Hannah and Clay and I started to witness some of this issues, it became harder for me. It made me angry, it made me pissed off, it made me want to cry, it made me want to scream…

FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK!!!!!!!!

Eventually, I started watching it a bit faster because I just wanted it to end – not because it was not a good show, but because it became hard for me to stomach. I still have the scene where Hannah killed herself  and where she and Jessica were raped playing in my head over and over again and it just makes me so sad.

One of the things I learned from this show is that everyone has their crosses to bear. We look at people every day—our friends, our family—and you don’t even know what is going on in their heads. People have things that they are struggling with and what might seem trivial to you might not be trivial to them. So, what we can do is to always make sure that you are nice to people. You say a kind word to people because that could make all the difference in someone’s life. And, just because you are hurting does not mean that you should put your hurt on someone else. I noticed that some of the people that hurt others on this show were going through their own struggles at home. While I sympathise, it shouldn’t give you any reason to treat another person badly.

I could go on and on about this show but I will just end here. I have to commend the actors and the actresses because they did a phenomenal job portraying these characters and how they feel.

Treat people kindly. You never know what anyone is going through.

On a side note: The diversity of the cast is amazing and I have to give a special shoutout to all those who made it possible.

Dating a man with kids

So, I just finished talking to a friend of mine who told me a very interesting story. She told me about a friend of hers who met a dude and he seemed amazing. He was such a nice guy and she was so happy that she told everyone about him. After a while, she couldn’t reach him anymore. He started to act real funny and she did not understand why he was acting that way.

After a couple of months, he messaged her and told her that the reason why he was acting strange was because he had a one-year old son. I screamed. Now, this guy is still trying to get with her even after keeping this hugeeeee secret away from her.

See, this is the kind of stuff that I don’t like. Why do guys lie like this? Now, he keeps on sending pictures of his kid to her and my question is, for what?

Listen, in this day and age it is not strange to meet single mothers and fathers. However, you should let your potential partner know these things. Personally speaking, I do not want to date a guy with kids especially a guy that has kids under the age of 8. Now, these are my reasons.

Dating a guy that has children comes with a lot of responsibilities especially when the kids are young. For one, you are taking on a responsibility to be a step-parent to that kid. There is nothing wrong with that but you have to be ready to take on that responsibility and I do not believe I am ready for that. Secondly, you have to deal with the child’s mother. There are a lot of good baby mamas in the world but there are some nasty ones as well. I have watched way too many reality shows to see that if you are going to date a guy with kids, you will have to deal with that. Therefore, you have to be prepared for that as well.

Now, the last thing I want is to be put in a situation that I did not anticipate. If a guy wants to date me and he has kids, be honest about it. Do not lie. Not only will you be a complete asshole for lying but it also goes to show how selfish you are as a human being. Your child should come first and if you are ashamed to tell a potential partner about this huge part of your life, how am I ever supposed to believe anything that comes out of your mouth?

It is so disappointing to hear cases like this these days because a lot of women are just looking for the right guy. So, it sucks that when they think that they have found the right guy, he pulls a fast one on them.

Just tell the truth. If I meet a guy that has kids and he is honest about it and I still decide to date him, then our relationship has started on a great foundation. Why would you allow the relationship to go a certain distance before you tell the truth? You want someone to be able to date you for every part of you not just for the parts you wish to show.

This is why we have to keep our eyes open and just keep on praying because these things keep on happening everyday.

10 best moments of 2016

So this year was entertaining to me in a lot of ways. I find laughter and happiness in a lot of things and I thought I would share them with you guys.

10. THE MANNEQUIN CHALLENGE

I know this is over and done with already but I really loved this challenge. I remember the first one I saw and I thought ‘Wow’. It was definitely my best challenge of the year.

This was the very first one I saw and I loved it so much. My friend, Abiola and I just kept sending each other different challenges and just basking in the loveliness of each one.

Of course, this post would not be complete if I did not include the Nigerian edition of the Mannequin challenge which I thought was phenomenal.

9. LEMONADE

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I mean, need I say more? I am not a member of the Bey Hive but even I cannot deny the greatness that is Beyoncé. The woman just doesn’t stop. I admire the fact that she doesn’t relax even though she is at the top. Lemonade was amazing for me because it showcased the pain that black women go through. We get hurt but we don’t get to stop. We have to keep going and Beyoncé highlighted our strengths and I couldn’t be more grateful.

8. TRUMP PHONE CALLS & TREVOR NOAH 

Okay, so no.8 is a tie for me because I just couldn’t pick and I know that when there is a tie, there really shouldn’t be a no.7 but sorry, that’s not how I’m doing it. Lol.

Anyway, to begin with, most of you know that even though I am not American, I was very vocal about how much I did not like Trump. Call me naïve but I did not expect him to win. I mean, I knew there was a chance but I just did not want to believe that a man like that would be elected. But he was so I found my solace in laughter. Conan O’Brien, who I think is the best late night show on TV created these ‘leaked phone calls between Trump and Obama’ which I find hilarious.

Another moment that I loved was when Trevor Noah annihilated Tomi Lahren.

I do not like Tomi Lahren. Okay. Scratch that. I do not like the things that she says. In my opinion, she spits foolishness and I don’t think she even believes most of the things she says. So, when Trevor Noah interviewed her, I was smiling throughout. This is just a bit from the interview.

7. DESIGNATED SURVIVOR

So, Kiefer Sutherland returned this year with an amazing new show called ‘Designated Survivor’. I have loved him since 24. So, I was so excited to watch this show which is really good. Call me weird but I smile every time I see this opening sequence. It really made my year.

6. THE MCCLURE TWINS & JULIANNA’S COMPASSION

Okay, so another tie. Lol.

To begin with, The McClure Twins. I fell in love with this twins this year. They are just so cute and amazing and they are half Nigerian. Lol. They captured the hearts of so many including me and I just love watching them.

Aren’t they adorable?

So, another kid that won my heart was Julianna. Julianna is the daughter of Judy and Benji who blog daily on their youtube channel ‘It’s Judy’s Life’. I have been watching them on and off since 2013. This year, Judy posted this video of Julianna that touched my heart in many ways. I cried like a baby and I just thought that I have to share this with you all.

5. DESIIGNER

You guys, I love Desiigner. He just emits so much happiness and he  makes me smile every time. This video of him singing ‘The Addams family’ is EVERYTHING. Lol

4. OOH BABY, WE LIVE

Just watch and laugh!. Lol

3. ITS ROX

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You all may not know Ms Roxanne but she is a Youtuber who reviews reality shows and some other TV shows. I have been watching her for I can’t even remember how long but she always brings light to my life. She is funny and no matter what is going on in my life, for a moment I forget when I am watching her. So, Ms Rox, Thank you so much for being who you are. You are blessed. Her channel is 4itsrox on Youtube if you are interested. You won’t regret it.

2. TOKE MAKINWA’S BOOK

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Source: Kemi Filani

This book made my year. I already reviewed it on this blog but I just have to say that this book pushed me back to God. It’s funny because it is not a spiritual book or anything like that but just her experiences made me see that I need to find peace in God once more and so for that I am very grateful.

  1. BRUNO MARS

Those who know me know that I am absolutely obsessed with Bruno Mars. I love the guy so much and when he dropped his album the weekend before my birthday, it was like a birthday gift to me because I have been waiting for a new album for close to 4 years. Thanks for making it worth it boo.

So, that’s it for me. The 10 (well, more like 12) best moments of 2016. What was yours? Let me know 🙂 Love you all and a Happy New Year

My thoughts on Toke Makinwa’s book

Hey guys,

So I wrote a review of ‘On Becoming Toke Makinwa’ by Toke Makinwa on an upcoming Nigerian digital magazine called Metrolife, which is owned by an amazing friend of mine. Metrolife mainly focuses on Nigerian news and entertainment. This includes features, reviews, opinions and commentary and a wonderful Spotlight section which celebrates young Nigerian entrepreneurs and artists.

I decided to share my review on here as well (which was edited by the Editor of Metrolife), but please check out this magazine as it is amazing and gives you latest news and interesting articles to read.

“Sisters, we need to pray against the spirit of Maje Ayida in our lives”. 

I wrote this on Snapchat last night after reading Toke Makinwa’s book. I sat down and read the book in three hours and throughout, I found myself praying constantly to banish any potential Majes in my future. As a 21 year old now, I realize that marriage is around the corner. I’m not looking to get married tomorrow but I do admit that the time has come to start thinking about these things – not just about the white dress and the cake and fairy tale aspect of it but of the marriage itself.

The story of Toke Makinwa’s relationship with Maje Ayida in general is one that has been played out in the media and we have all seen it and we have all judged and had our opinions. In fact, Toke Makinwa has been a person that has been highly criticized by social media in recent years.

Most people know Toke as an on-air personality and a TV host but honestly I did not even know that Toke was a radio personality until I read her book yesterday. I’d always thought of her as a socialite because I always saw her going for so many events. It even got to a point that I started to ask: “Won’t Toke sit down somewhere?”

I also knew her as a vlogger who gives relationship advice on Youtube. Her relationship with Maje was also one of the things I knew about her because it was always covered on the blogs. I remember reading about how she had been dating Maje on and off for 8 years and also about his relationship with some other girl named Anita Solomon. I used to wonder: “Isn’t it Toke who gives relationship advice on Youtube?”

A lot of us thought the same thing too. Read the rest of this entry »

Tweet that: My thoughts on Trump and his lewd comments on women

So, today I guess you can say I had time. I worked from 7.45 to 5.30 yesterday so today was a resting day for me. I had heard about this Trump thing when it came out but I did not pay much attention to it. So, today I watched the video that Trump said about grabbing women’s p***y and I also listened to the audio of the interview he had with Howard Stern and I was so disgusted. I said a lot on Twitter so I am just going to put my tweets on here.

So, those were my thoughts guyss…Tell me what you think about this.

Brad and Angelina – Why I don’t feel sorry

So, three days ago, I was scrolling through The Shaderoom as it is a regular ritual of mine, minding my own business when all of a sudden, I came across a picture of Brad and Angelina with a caption, saying that Angelina had filed for divorce. As soon as I saw that, I checked a whole bunch of other credible sources like E! and People’s Magazine and they confirmed that this rumour was true. Now, I would not lie, my first subconscious reaction was to chuckle. Yeah, I gave a good ke ke. You know why? Cause I never cared for the way they got together anyway!

Listen, divorce is never a good or easy thing and they have 6 children who, I feel sorry for that they have to go through this….but…I am sorry, you cannot start a relationship with somebody on that sort of foundation and believe that it would last forever (even though, they started to seem like the exception).

I hate cheating with all my heart. I know everybody makes mistakes and I am far from perfect but I do not understand how a person would intentionally hurt the person that they vowed in front of God to be with forever. Now, not only did Brad cheat with Angelina, they humiliated Jennifer Aniston. Now, you know I love Jennifer Aniston. Chick, sure knows how to make me laugh. They humiliated this woman in front of the whole world. I even remember reading an article where Brad  basically said that his time with Jen was a waste.

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Source: The Hollywood Reporter

Now, the situation at this moment is that Brad has been allegedly abusive with their kids which I never would have thought will be the case. They always seemed like great parents who really love their kids. Abuse is a really strong word. You know, growing up in a Nigerian home, I got spanked as a kid, if I did something wrong. It was nothing abusive, just a disciplinary action and I understood that. I just wonder what abuse, here means. Anyway, I just don’t want to believe that Brad would intentionally hurt his kids.

Angelina also allegedly has issues with Brad because he drinks too much alcohol and smokes too much weed. Well, I can understand how she would have issues with that. While, Angelina has had issues with drugs in the past, she has definitely grown and she is a mother now. When you become a parent, you have to let go of certain things. If Brad is doing that, it is something that I can understand she will be mad at.

Anyway, I do hope that this does not become too messy, especially for the sake of kids. For their sake, I wish that Angelina and Brad did not have to go through this. I feel bad for laughing but I just could not help but think that their foundation was not the best to begin with.

WHAT IS SO WRONG WITH BREASTFEEDING IN PUBLIC?

For a while now, there has been a debate going on of women breastfeeding in public or posting up photos of them feeding their babies on social media sites. Some people believe that it should be a private thing and that no one needs to see that. On the other hand, some people believe that it is the most natural thing in the world.

For some time, I haven’t had a solid opinion on the topic until today. So, today, I went to the Nigerian Embassy in London to renew my passport. As I was sitting down and waiting for my number to be called, a lady with her little beautiful baby girl came to sit beside me.

From what I could tell, the baby was not more than four months old. She was cute and she was playing around and smiling. At some point, she started crying. Her mum started to soothe her. She tried to give her toys and tried to relax her but the little baby was still crying. It was at this point that the mum realised that her baby was probably hungry so she decided to feed her.

So, she covered herself the best way she could and started to feed her baby as she was sitting there. As I sat there, my mind flashed back to a conversation that Wendy Williams had with Alyssa Milano. Wendy believes that breastfeeding should be private while Alyssa believes that there is absolutely nothing wrong with public breastfeeding. Now, Wendy, I love you but I am going to have to side with Alyssa on this one.

Watching that woman breastfeed her baby, I did not feel uncomfortable in any way. I felt that it was completely natural and there was nothing sexualised about it. Some women prefer to breastfeed their baby in private which is very okay but if a woman decides to breastfeed her baby in public, I see no harm. I think it is a celebration of the greatness that is the woman’s body and I love it. This is my 2 cents.

I would post the Wendy video for you all to see and I would love to hear your thoughts on the subject. Do you think there is anything wrong with public breastfeeding?

The breastfeeding debate starts at 3.45

 

Photo Source: My Brown Baby

Real Men Don’t Hit Women

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i am so sad. I have no strength in me right now to even be angry. I am just heartbroken. So, this wonderful young woman named Emma Murphy shared this heartbreaking video on her Facebook page where she spoke about the abuse that she had endured from her former partner. Having two children with this man did not stop him from becoming a monster. My heart just hurts not just for her, but for every woman that has to endure any kind of abuse. It’s just not right.

I am glad that she had the strength to speak up, to share her story and to walk away. That takes real courage. People can judge when looking at a situation from the outside but when you’re in it, it’s a completely different story and so I am so proud that she had the strength to see that she is worth more than this.

Ladies, please we are strong and we don’t need anyone defining who we are because God has made us strong and beautiful. I also do realise that, though it’s not very common, some men do suffer abuse. I want to also use this medium to reach out to men in these situations and to say that you are worth so much more.

Real Men do not hit women. Let us raise awareness against domestic violence.

Hotlines

UK – nationaldomesticviolencehelpline.org.uk

US – the hotline.org (1-800-799-7233 )

AUSTRALIA – https://www.1800respect.org.au (1800 737 732)

#BEINGFEMALEINNIGERIA

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I am a woman. I love being a woman. I have always enjoyed being a woman. I love the idea of carrying a life inside me. I love the womanly instincts that I bear. I love my curves. I love how vulnerable I can be. I would not trade being a woman for anything else in the world. However, in this crazy world we live in and the ignorance that is around us, being a woman can be a struggle.

When I was growing up, I used to watch a lot of Nigerian films and one thing I noticed was the constant domestic abuse. Men would hit women at will, for provoking them and it started to seem normal to me. I never saw my father hit my mother – Thank God – but I always just thought that it was something he could get away with, should he decide to do so. It’s such an ignorant way of thinking but from watching all this, I thought it was a norm.

I remember seeing in these films how men would want to sleep with women that want to move forward in their life. A lecturer would call a student into his office and threaten to fail her if she does not sleep with him. I am in uni now and I am just 19 and I cannot begin to imagine the horror of being told by a dirty old man that I have to sleep with him to move ahead. This same thing would happen in the workplace. Unfortunately, these scenarios don’t just happen in films, they happen in real life.

I am Nigerian and I love my motherland so much but I have to tell you that being a female there can be extremely difficult. I remember going to the market with my mother, my sister, my brother and my sister and I would be getting dragged and called at by men. I hate going to the market for that very reason. There is no peace of mind.

Fortunately, I have grown up and I have seen that domestic abuse is never okay. Touching women for your own amusement is not okay and threatening to hold a woman back if she doesn’t satisfy your desires is the most disgusting thing I have ever heard.

A hashtag was started earlier today on Twitter that brought to the light the struggles that Nigerian women face back home. I believe that this is a movement and I’ll post some of the tweets that was posted.

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I am glad that light is being shed on this because we have grown up in this society that everyone believes that it is normal to be treated this way. It is not normal and I am glad that we are speaking out, FINALLY.