Amnesia

Right is left

Left is right

Woke is sleep

Sleep is woke

We keep running around in circles

Going in loops

Searching for the holy grail

Searching for the truth

And believing the lies in the process

We have forgotten…

Forgotten who we are

Forgotten our roots

We’ve put down our princely robes

In order to roll in the mud…

Our minds completely wiped clean of who we are

Unrequited.

So I fell in love with a man

A very sweet man

A sweet chocolate man

With lots of ambition

Lots of talent

Lots of drive

And this man made me feel different

He made me feel like I could do anything

That I could be anything

Not because of anything he did in particular

But just by being who he is

And oh, how at peace he made me feel

But this man like any man; like most people; like everyone

Is flawed

Not in any way that I couldn’t handle

But was enough to push me away

He pushed me away…

This sweet chocolate man…

And I miss him everyday

My heart yearns for him everyday

But I have to respect his wants and desires

And stay far far away…

 

 

 

Photo Source: Tech in Asia

I don’t want to remember

I don’t want to remember you

The ‘you’ that made my whole world spin round and round

To the point where I felt dizzy but yet and still, I did not want it to stop

 

I don’t want to remember your smile

That beautiful smile that was like sunshine on a dark cloudy day

 

I don’t want to remember how good it felt to hold you

To feel the warmth of your body against mine

 

I don’t want to remember your voice

That voice that sounded like King David had been awoken to play his harp once again

 

I don’t want to remember how glorious it felt to look at you

It was like looking at a sculpture carved by Michelangelo

So majestic; So grand

 

I don’t want to remember how much you opened my mind

To all the possibilities that this world has to offer

 

I don’t want to remember

Because when I remember, I smile a little

But then this sharp pain appears in my chest and spreads fast through out my body leaving me weak and helpless

As it takes me back to a time

When you and I felt right

 

A time when both of us were in alignment with the universe

And Orion seemed to be so clear in a city filled with lights

 

Yeah, remembering hurts…

 

 

P.S. To all my amazing readers, I feel like I owe you an explanation for my long absence and all would be explained in a separate post. Thank you for sticking with me. I love you guys so much. And there are better days ahead this year for me and for you. Believe that. Oh, and before I forget, Happy Valentines day. ❤

Moments

Right now
Right here
In this moment
With you holding me so tight
With our legs intertwined
With your lips on mine
I feel at peace
I feel like the sea when it is still and enjoying the sun
I feel like I’ve been born again
Into a world where there is no chaos
A world that only seems to exist in the clouds

Right here
Right now
In this moment
You’ve created paradise
How you did it, I don’t know…
But I do know
That this moment is one that I would love to last forever.

An Angry African Woman

Someone once told me that I would be considered intimidating by the African man because I got my masters at the age of 21. I was given the implication that I might have to downplay my achievements to soothe the ego of the African man if I wanted to find a husband.

So, in order for my husband to shine, I would have to dim my light. I can be anything I choose to be as long as I do not surpass him.

Every part of me has to be perfect so that my husband can sleep well at night knowing that he has a beautiful woman with perfect breasts and an apple bottom, who can be a freak in bed but also get down on the floor and scrub and clean while cooking his favourite dish and supporting his dreams while mine stay at the back burner.

I have to be able to bear his children so that his family line can continue and get back to a size 6 almost immediately so that I can satisfy his visual hunger.

And when he comes home smelling of cheap perfume and lipstick marks on his collar, I’ll kiss him ‘welcome’ and take his clothes while acting like I didn’t see it or smell it so that he can be proud of himself that he has gotten away with it once again while trying to curb the pain in my heart because after all, he is a man and this is what men do. I am no different than my neighbour, Omotola whose husband I saw, kissing a girl young enough to be his daughter last week.

And on our 50th wedding anniversary celebration, we will talk about how we survived through the hard times together while staring into the eyes of the children that he had during one of his manly urges around the time we were celebrating our 40th.

Society has made me believe that it is my duty to keep a home and satisfy the man even when he is the one destroying the home. Somehow, my inability to cook that Ogbono soup that he requested for is enough reason for him to go out and be pleased by the thighs of another woman.

Society is my enemy because society is okay with me being treated like a modern slave in the hands of a man who is not even as smart as I am or even in the same league as me.

Well, baby just in case you didn’t know, I worked my ass off for those degrees that you speak about while dealing with a man who did not appreciate me! The man that I marry will be a man in every sense of the word because he will be secure enough to know that we can both shine together. He will be satisfied in knowing that I am just enough for him and that I am all he would ever need.

He would appreciate the changing nature of my beautiful female body and give me the time and encouragement to be the best woman that I can be. He would take me for all that I am and would Iove, respect and honour me just like a real man should. There are many layers to me as woman. I am beautiful, smart, gentle and kind and I can be a wife and change the world all at the same damn time. And it would be a cold day in hell for me to become a slave to your societal bullshit.

 

Photo: Deviant Art

Butterfly

There was a time that you were all I could think of

You were a dream, a wish that came true

A part of me that I never even knew existed

You were all I wanted; all I needed and more

Or so I thought

 

I gave you all of me…

My heart, my spirit, my soul, my body

I loved you, cared for you, prayed for you

I lifted you up, dimmed my light for you

I would have slayed dragons for you

And what did I get in return?

My heart used in a playing field of your lies  and your deceit

 

And yet I stayed

Because my love for you wanted to believe that you would want to be better for me

It wasn’t all you!

I also stayed for selfish reasons

I stayed because I didn’t have the strength to deal with the pain of building myself back up from the rubble that you left of my heart

I was afraid of being alone

 

It was hard

I thought I had let you go but there was something drawing me to you

It was fear

I did not know how to move on from that part of my life

But I did

 

Like a Phoenix, I saw myself rising again

Freed from the chains that was holding me back

This person that I thought would never show up did

This butterfly…free at last!

And never turning back

The cocoon had been filled with pain but that pain moulded me and shaped me

Like a potter with clay

And now I am ready to fly

 

A day would come when you would look for me

You would go to all the corners of the earth

Searching for me

But you wouldn’t find me

Or you just might

But I wouldn’t be yours for the taking

And you would tell stories that would last generations

Of the one that got away!