Dolly Writes

Journey of a growing woman

Category: Uncategorized

The Ground Is Shifting

Then the Lord answered me and said, “Record the vision and inscribe it on tablets…”

  • Habbakuk 2:2 (NASB)

When I started blogging about six and a half years ago, it was supposed to be an outlet for me – a way for me to express myself the best way I knew how. At the time, it seemed so easy. I could wake up one day and decide to write something and it would not be a problem for me. I never worried about not being good enough – I just wrote.

Then, by the time I got into uni, things took a left turn for me. I became the most depressed I had ever been in my life and at first, I was still able to pull from my depression to write without any problems, up until I couldn’t.

I had never really been the most secure person or the most confident but when that depression hit, I lost even the little security or confidence that I had. I was in a relationship with someone who repeatedly cheated on me. And I loved him. With every ounce of my being, I loved him even more than myself. That’s where I made the mistake.

I cared more about his happiness than mine and I allowed him walk all over me. This is not in any way meant to bash him because I don’t see him as a bad person even now. But he hurt me so bad. And I lost myself. It was always so easy for me to write because no matter what I was going through, I was never really embarrassed about my feelings.

However, this time I was. He was not the cause of my depression as I also had some other issues that I was dealing with but his actions was a major trigger for me. So, I started finding it difficult to express myself. I was in constant pain. I didn’t know when it started but by the time I realised it, I was already far gone.

I found it difficult to write – the one thing that was my outlet. Can you imagine how horrible that is? And I was just angry at God for such a long time. I still wrote. There are still posts on my blog from those depressing times but believe me when I say, it took great pain to write them.

There were times I really didn’t want to write but it kept drawing me in even though I couldn’t really figure out how to. As at 2017, my depression had already started lifting and I started to write a bit more but I had been embarrassed about my feelings for so long that it had almost become second nature. So, it was definitely going to take some time to get back to me.

Last year, I found it a little bit easier to write (still not all the way there yet but it was an improvement). But then, I got so caught up at work that I could not find the time or the will power to write.

But…God came all the way through in such a beautiful way.

After NYSC, I left Punch and started working at my mother’s logistics company. It is a new company and I was able to be there to help her from the moment the company launched.

Prior to the end of NYSC, I was not sure what I was going to do afterwards. I had always just gone with the flow without really having a clear vision. I knew I wanted to leave Punch. I just felt that my time there was up but I didn’t know what I would do after. When my mum offered me the job to help run it, I was like ‘okay’. I mean, it was something to do and I just figured ‘why not?’ She still has a full-time job and she goes in and out of Lagos often so, I have been running the day-to-day activities.

However, at the beginning of this year, things started to become clearer for me. I felt like this year was my year to just take charge of my life. I wasn’t sure how I was going to do it but I just knew that something had to change. I realised that I was beginning to get older. I mean, I am 23 years old right now and while that is still pretty young, it just feels scary how much time flies in your 20s. I still remember my 18th birthday like it was yesterday and now, I am whole 23 year old woman.

So, I realised that I have to take this ‘adulting’ thing serious from here on out. I need to start saving and making investments and most importantly start following my dreams and that is where God began to show Himself. He actually started by putting all these mini-thoughts in my head; almost like setting things in place.

First off, with the logistics job, I thought I might be in it for a year before I started to consider leaving and I felt Him tell me that when it was time to leave, I would know. I had been trying to start a podcast last year but fear did not let me. Then, a friend of mine, Isaac reached out to me in early January about starting a podcast together and honestly, I wasn’t sure at first. But then, I realised how much sense it made and when we met up for our first meeting, we had such an easy conversation that I knew that this was going to work.

Then, I had said towards the end of last year that I was going to focus more on my script writing. I planned on writing a play and putting it on this year and I had made a pact with my sister to send her a draft by January 15th. When that deadline came, I had not even written a word and it weighed heavily on my mind. On Saturday, 10th Feb, I realised that I needed to start doing the things I loved and really start taking it seriously. By the next day, I felt God telling me that it was time. The time had come. He gave me such a clear vision on how to move forward and I had never seen my path so clearly ever before. And I am so grateful that He did that for me. I was even so sure that this was the right way to go because everything else just seemed to fall into place.

It was the most amazing feeling and still is. So, I decided to quit my job working for my mother. I knew that I would not be able to accomplish anything I wanted to do if I kept working in the company because I would never have the time. When I told her, she understood and she knew that eventually, I would want to pursue other things.

So, the deal we made was to leave in March. She has even found someone that could replace me and I am just happy and excited to be moving forward in my life. I am taking a huge leap from a job that pays so well but  I feel so much passion in my soul for God and this new path and it just completely fills me up. Walking away from the money does not feel difficult in any way.

I listened to a sermon by Sarah Jakes Roberts recently titled ‘The Ground is Shifting’. She explained that when one looks at the sky and sees it moving, it’s not the sky that is moving but the ground. The ground is shifting and so we change position sometimes and never really realise it in that moment. For example, you could be friends with a person all your life and then slowly, you start to drift apart – not necessarily because anyone did anything wrong but a shift has happened. The person you were has changed and maybe that person hasn’t. Or maybe its the other way around. Either way, both of you can’t really seem to find common ground anymore. This doesn’t happen with everyone but it’s something that does happen. That is just an example.

Basically for me, the ground has shifted in terms of my journey. I don’t know when it happened but it did and I am feeling the effects of it now (in the most amazing way). God has been so good to me – I can’t even stress that enough. I had always prayed to God to reveal a path for me and at some point, it felt like He wasn’t even listening to me. But, He was. He gave me the tools I needed to reach this point. He prepared me for this. Even working at a start-up was a way for me to learn patience and sacrifice and He knew that I would need those things. I mean, just how awesome is He? I can’t even put it into words.

Anyway, this is just a gist that I hope gives a clear explanation of my absence. I have so much in store and by the grace of God, fear would not win. Fear has always prevented me from doing a lot of things but I refuse to give into fear any longer.

Thank you for reading as always and I will be updating as I make all my moves this year.

All my love,

Dolly.

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I’m going to miss my allawee!

Hey guys,

I know. I know. I have been a wasteman with this blogging thing. I have been very busy over the last few months. My work took over my entire life. In fact, I have lost so much weight. Before, I left the house this morning, my mum was like “You have really lost weight oh…What happened? Are you okay?”

And yes, I am very okay. I have just been stressed and my appetite was very low for a bit but generally, I am fine. All glory belongs to my saviour, Jesus.

So, my national service would finally be coming to an end this week by God’s grace. I am so ready for it to end and even though I have some plans for the future, the fear of the unknown is a real fear. I want it to end but if you guys have followed me long enough, you will know that change scares the shit out of me. But you know what, I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.

Would I miss NYSC? HELL NO! However, I would miss the friends that I have made this year.  I know that the end of this service means that I won’t be seeing them as much anymore.  I would also miss my allawee! That credit alert every month was heaven! I’m telling you, the fact that you have ₦19800 coming into your account every month is a wonderful feeling. It takes some load off one’s chest. There are times that I’ve been so broke but then I remember that at least, money will enter my account at the end of the month.

I never really wanted to serve. It always just seemed stressful and a big waste of time. However, man plans and God laughs — so they say. And I do not regret it. I am grateful for the experience and I am ready to move forward to the next phase of my life.

Advice to Freshmen/Freshers at Uni

Hi guys,

So I wanted to use this opportunity to reach out to a special group of people – those that are starting uni to this year. Listen, it is hard to believe that I am out of uni., I mean, it seems like just yesterday when I was about to start.

I’ll give you guys just a little bit of my story before I continue. So, in September of 2013 at the age of 17, I started my life as a university student at the University of Buckingham. I was so excited. I mean, this is what I had been looking forward to.

I was excited to live my life. I was going to study Journalism and I was going to meet boys and I was going to party like there was no tomorrow and I would have friends – amazing friends. For the first couple of months, I had all of that. I had met a guy the week before I was about to start. He wasn’t in my uni but he wasn’t too far away so we could see each other often. I had a nice group of friends, Journalism seemed to be going pretty good and I was having a lot of fun.

Those first months were really wonderful for me. I enjoyed myself. Then in February of 2014, things changed. I got my heart broken and I also got betrayed by a friend (I have written about this already so, I won’t speak too much about it) and it basically triggered a different path in my University life.

My focus on school never really changed; I mean, I wasn’t an A-student or nothing but I did make sure to always turn in my course works on time and basically did whatever school stuff I had to do. However, my social life took a deep dive. At first, it wasn’t as bad because I had a really good friend who took me out of that space whenever we talked. She knew me before all the heart break and betrayal had happened and she was just there for me but then she left and I felt all alone.

I was scared to get close to someone else. I could not open myself up to anyone who might betray me again and so, to me, it was better to just be low-key and avoid drama.It’s not like I was completely isolated — I mean i still had people that I talked to and I hung out with every now and then, it’s just that I didn’t want to open myself up like that.  While that worked for me and I don’t completely regret being a low-key person, I just wished I was able to allow myself get close to some people.

That all changed when I got into my Masters’. I met some amazing people who just accepted me for who I am. They did not mind that I was weird or always emotional or talked too much, they just took me for who I was without ever judging me. It was nice. I think my Master’s year was definitely one of the most amazing times I ever had at uni and I was still low-key but without feeling lonely.

However, I wished that I was able to come to a place like that sooner but I like to believe that all the things I went through led me to those amazing people.

Anyway, I wanted to tell you a bit about my story before I give any advice so let me tell you all I think you need to know.

  1. Focus on School: This is the most important thing you need to do. Uni is going to be full of so many different things because not only are you learning school stuff but you are also going to be learning a lot about yourself and about life. I’m not going to act like you need to go to ALL your classes because honestly, I didn’t. There are days you will wake up and you will feel tired, upset, irritated maybe even hungover or just not in the mood but make sure you do your best to go to most of them. Always do your course works and meet deadlines. If you have a presentation, prepare and show up. Life will some times get in the way but do not let it affect your education.      With all the messed up stuff that happened to me when I was at uni, I was so proud to have graduated with a good result because I tried my best to not let life or partying or stuff like that, get in the way. So, work around your school schedule. Try your best not to miss too many classes. If you can go to ALL, kudos to you. If you don’t, just make sure you go to MOST of them.
  2. Join a Club: Listen, I know this may sound a little corny but I think it adds to the University experience. Due to the fact that I was studying Journalism, I was automatically in the News Group. We gathered stories and filmed each week and even though, it was mostly for school, it made me feel like I was part of something. When I graduated from my undergrad, I was glad that I got to experience that. Towards the end of 2014, I also joined the Nigerian Society at my uni as a press officer and even though, it was stressful and interrupted my low-key life for a bit, it helped me to meet people and participate in events that I would have otherwise not gone for if I wasn’t in the group. I was only in it for like a term but it was great. You may or may not like it but you won’t know until you try.
  3. Enjoy Yourself: Have lots and lots of fun. Get a group of friends that you vibe with and have fun. Go to parties and dance. Have a drink, laugh and just really enjoy yourself. Get friends that you can have fun with and who can also encourage you to study when need you need to. When I think of my amazing friends during my Masters’ year, they were just such an incredible balance for me. We went out to watch movies and drink and party and then we also encouraged each other to study and do school work. You don’t even have to go out all the time, you can chill at home and just have a good time together but just make sure you have a way to unwind from all the stress because uni is going to be stressful.
  4. Be safe!: I cannot stress this enough. Please, be safe. Crazy things are happening in the world today and you need to be able to take care of yourself when you are outside. Don’t be out with people you can not trust. If you are out and you get drunk, can you trust that that friend that you’re out with will help you get home safe? Can you trust that that person will not bring you any harm? Can you trust that you’re safe around them? Ask yourself all these questions. Ladies, please when you buy your drink at the club or anywhere, keep your eyes on it. Hold on to it. All these date rape drugs are real. I’m not trying to scare you but you just need to be careful.
  5. Stay out of Drama: Drama can be really stressful sometimes and can put a damper on your life. Uni is already stressful enough to be around drama or people that bring about drama. So, if you can avoid it, please do. It is absolutely not needed in your life.
  6. Learn from your mistakes: Mistakes will be made a lot of times. We are human and so we aren’t perfect. When you make mistakes, don’t beat yourself too hard, just learn from it and grow from it. That is all you can do.
  7. Get a job: If you can, get a job. Not only does it give you a sense of responsibility but you can also earn some extra cash while you’re at. I didn’t learn this lesson until later on in my uni life and I wish I had started on it early. Again, make sure it does not affect your school work. There are temp agencies that you can work for that are very flexible and will only give you work when you are available so those ones are cool to do. You can also get a part-time job that will fit into your schedule as well.
  8. Budget: Please, learn how to budget your money. I cannot mention how many times I went broke in uni. Even now, I still get broke but I’m learning people, I’m learning. Try and save when you can. You never know when you might need it. If you tithe, remember to give back to God. Put money aside for groceries and any other thing that you might need. Just make sure you budget your money properly so that you would not find yourself in financial strain.

 

Hope this helps. This is all I can think of for now. If I remember, any more, I’ll add them. Listen, I’m not perfect. All the stuff I am advising you on here is stuff that I wish I had listened to earlier on but honestly, in a way, I am glad I went through what I went through because it has made me who I am. (Remember what I said about mistakes?)

At the end of the day, it is your life and your uni experience will be your uni experience. The bottom line is for you to focus on school and enjoy yourself. It is important that you do so.

In any case, I hope this helps and if you have any questions at all, you can always ask. For those that are already in uni or are done from it, you can leave any advice that you have below in the comments.

 

Love,

Dolly.

Grenfell Tower Fire

I woke up this morning to the news of a horrible tragedy that took place in London today.  A fire broke out in Grenfell tower in West London early this morning. As of right now, 12 people have been confirmed dead with many more injured.

My heart is saddened. Ever since I heard the news, my heart has been heavy. It is just such a horrible thing to happen. I’ve been watching videos of people saying all they could hear where people screaming and jumping out and just so much horror going on.

I am sending out prayers of peace and comfort to the victims of this horrible incident. I cannot even begin to imagine the pain and I am praying for each and everyone of them. Family Action has set up a fundraising page to raise money for those affected by this. If you want to donate, please head over to: https://www.justgiving.com/campaigns/charity/familyaction/grenfell

Please if you can, donate. Every penny counts so if you can, please donate what you can. Nothing is too small.

Once again, my prayers go out to those affected by this. May God continue to be with us all.

 

 

 

 

 

Dolly Speaks – Speed Dating, The Evil Side of the Internet & music from my 10 ten most played list

On this episode of Dolly Speaks, I talk about Speed Dating and how unsafe and evil the internet is. I also play great music from my top 10 most played list.

I was a little scattered this time but I hope you still enjoy it

I can show you God

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I can show you God

A Poem by Coyote Poetry

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Just thoughts and things to ponder on

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                                  I can show you God
The great search for God is fruitless for some.
I knew a woman from  Santa Cruz.  We sat together often drinking hot and tasty
coffee on the Santa Cruz boardwalk. Her heart was cold and dead.She  told me God is dead and forgotten.
We are just people struggling with no place to go or reasons to be alive.

I smiled and pointed to the sea.
I told her God is alive.
Look at the dancing sea.
The sun above us. Gifts for us from God.

God isn’t our master or guide.
Life is for us to decide.
She looked frustrated and asked.
Don’t God support to protect and save us?
Look at this world. War, murder, violence and dead-ends.”

I requested her to travel with me.
I…

View original post 678 more words

Escape to Freedom

YeonmiPark

I saw this heartbreaking speech on youtube by a young lady called, Yeonmi Park and I just had to share. We get too focused on our own lives sometimes and it is always good to just step out of our lives and realities and witness the realities of others around the world. it is important to support in the best way we can and I will try my best to bring more stories like this because I believe that these stories have to be told. You can read the transcript below.

I have to do this because this is not I am speaking. This is the people who wanted to tell the world what they want to say. 

North Korea is an unimaginable country. There is only one channel on TV. There is no internet. 

We aren’t free to sing, say, wear or think what we want. 

North Korea is the only country in the world that executed people for making unauthorised international phone calls.

North Koreans are being terrorised today.

When I was growing up in North Korea, I never saw anything about love stories between men and women. No books, no songs, no press, no movies about love stories. 

There is no Romeo and Juliet. Every story was propaganda to brainwash us about the Kim dictators. 

I was born in 1993 and I was abducted at birth even before I knew the words – freedom and human rights. 

North Koreans are desperately seeking and dying for freedom at this moment. 

When I was nine years old, I saw my friend’s mother publicly executed. Her crime: Watching a hollywood movie. 

Expressing doubt about the greatness of the regime can get three generations imprisoned or executed. 

When I was four years old, I was warned by my mother not to even whisper. The birds and mice couldn’t hear me. I admit it, I thought the North Korean dictator could read my mind. 

My father died in China after we escaped North Korea and I had to bury him at 3 a.m in secret. 

I was 14 years old. I couldn’t even cry. I was afraid to be sent back to North Korea. 

The day I escaped North Korea, I saw my mother raped. The rapist was a Chinese broker. He targeted me. I was 13 years old. 

There is a saying in North Korea: “Women are weak but mothers are strong.”

My mother allowed herself to be raped in order to protect me.

North Korean refugees, about 300, 000 are vulnerable in China. 

70% of North Korean women and teenage girls are being victimised; Sometimes sold for as little as $200.

We walked across the Gobi desert, following a compass. When that stopped working, we followed the stars to freedom. I felt only the stars were with us.

Mongolia was our freedom moment. Death or dignity. Armed with knives, we were prepared to kill ourselves if we were going to be sent back to North Korea. We wanted to live as humans. 

People often ask me: “How can we help North Koreans?” There are many ways, but I would like to mention three for now. 

One: Educate yourself so you can raise awareness about human crisis in North Korea. 

Two: Help and support North Korean refugees who are trying to escape to freedom. 

Three: Petition China to stop repatriation. We have to shed light on the darkest place in the world.

It isn’t just North Korean human rights. It’s our rights that North Korean dictators have violated for seven decades. 

We need governments around the world to put more pressure on China to stop repatriation. 

In particular, Chinese delegates of One Young World can play a part by speaking out. 

North Korea is indescribable.No humans deserve to be oppressed just because of their birthplace. 

We need to focus less on the regime and more on the people who are being forgotten. 

One Young World, we are the ones who will make them visible. Fellow delegates, please join me as we make this a global movement to free North Koreans. 

When I was crossing the Gobi desert, scared of dying, I thought nobody in this world cared. It seemed that only the stars were with me. 

But you have listened to my story. 

You have cared. Thank you very much. 

Rape IS NEVER OKAY

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So, I watched the new season of Orange is The New Black this weekend. I loved it as always and the new character, Stella Carlin played by Ruby Rose is probably one of the most beautiful women I have ever seen in my life and I could not take my eyes off her. It is one of my favourite shows because it shows life from a woman’s perspective. It shows the different hardships that women have to go through and how far they are willing to go to survive and to protect those that they love.

I loved the different storylines but one stuck out to me and it broke my heart. The storyline of Pennsatuckey was one of sadness and my heart broke for her. I had never really understood her character but this season opened my eyes. From the moment she had started to see her period, her mum made her believe that sex was something she owed to a man. Her mum made her believe that it wasn’t necessarily something to enjoy and she should just let them have it. They will be ‘in and out’ and it will be over.

She carried this lesson to her youth and of course, she never saw sex as an enjoyable thing. She saw it as a means to get other things and so men would abuse her and she just saw it as the norm. Until she met a boy. A boy who changed her and made her see that sex is not something to hate. He actually showed her how to enjoy sex and how to derive pleasure from it and not just something that she needs to do to go through life. He eventually moved away and it was back to the ‘norm’ with her and men.

In this season, she became really friendly with one of the new guards. At first, it seemed like he really liked her and she liked him too. He did not demand anything from her and he always bought her donuts and ice-cream. There was a scene where she thought she had to give him a handjob so that she can get some ice-cream from him and he told her that he did not want anything from her. If she wanted anything, all she had to was ask. This made her like hm even more and then he decided to show his true nature. He raped her and she did not even scream but her face broke my heart.

Fortunately, she had a friend, Big Boo who she could talk to and Big boo made her understand that what he did was not right because prior to this, Pennsatuckey did not think he did anything wrong. She believed it was her fault; that she provoked him and in my heart, I said: “That does not give him any right.”

Big Boo wanted to exact revenge on him and they were both very close to doing so. They drugged him and wanted to stick a mop stick up his ass and i would admit, I was all for it. She still didn’t want to do it and Big Boo kept telling her to express her rage and then she said, :”I don’t have rage, I’m just sad.” and at this point, I shed a tear.

They never did anything to him and Pennsatuckey found a way to get out of doing van duty with him. However, they forgot that, if she couldn’t do it, they would put another girl with him. Another girl that he would possibly rape and he would continue doing so until someone speaks out.

I just..I cannot understand the reasoning of a man who thinks that raping a woman somehow makes him a man or makes him strong. I am here to tell any man who has this mentality that you are not strong. All you are, is a coward. This might have just been a show but this happens in real life everyday. Some man thinks it is okay to rape a woman and he would get away with it. It is NEVER okay. No matter the circumstance.

I just want to say that we, women have to stand up for ourselves. We have to support each other. Rape is a traumatising thing to go through and the worst part is, more often than not, it happens by people that are known to the victims. We need to speak out more against things like this. It cannot continue to happen amongst us.

To my dear women who have gone through this trauma, I want to say that I respect you because you have gone through this and survived. This doesn’t define you and you can always come back from this. Please speak to someone you trust about what you have gone through. Don’t suffer in silence. As women, our voice is important and that is why many are intimidated by us. We have a right to own our bodies and our sexualities. No one is allowed to take it from us. No one is allowed to make us do what we don’t want to do. Keep on being strong, beautiful women and May God continue to always be with us.

ITS BEEN TWO YEARS…

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Two years ago,

January 7th to be exact,

I was feeling very moody.

I was not feeling like myself, i was unhappy and I felt like

the weight of the world was on my shoulders.

So, I decided to start a blog that I named

‘Diary of a lost teen’.

At the time, it made sense because, I was 17 years old

And I felt lost in the world.

I felt like I could make it a blog that other teenagers like myself could relate to.

So, I started to write and my blog was born.

Over time, I felt like I had outgrown my blog url

I wanted something that sounded sophisticated

And showed who I was

So, I changed it to ‘Belle Ame Noire’,

which means ‘Beautiful Dark Soul’.

To celebrate my coming of age and two years of owning this blog,

I changed the name about three days ago to

‘Dolly Writes’ and I plan to never change the name again.

This blog is like my baby; It is my child

It has been like a journal for me;

A recording of my life experiences

My successes, My failures, My heartbreaks, My insecurities

Every single post on this blog

is a reflection of something that I have been through.

No matter how many times I change the name,

The content always remains the same,

My story so far remains the same.

I have met some amazing people through blogging.

I met Akunna, who is just beautiful inside and out and writes with so much emotion

I met Tomi, who is the sweetest guy ever and writes poetry that will make you praise God

I met Lateefah, who is just amazingly talented both in writing and in art

I met Hakeem, partly through instagram and partly through this blog

And he is just someone that I look up to and learn from all the time.

I have connected with people

That have been so moved by what I write that it brings me to tears

I feel so blessed and so humbled that I can do this

And all in all, Writing has saved my life.

Doing this; Being able to do this is a gift and I am thankful.

I have had over 3000 views from more than 25 different countries…

Might not seem very much to some others but it is a lot to me.

I have come such a long way since 2013.

My writing has greatly improved.

I have changed.

If you read from when i started till now, You will see that.

I know I’m far from being the best,

But believe me, I try and I try and I try.

Thank you to every one that has read any post that I have ever written

I am so grateful

And thank God

For keeping me alive to be writing this post two years later.

I’ll bring more

I’ll write more.

Love,

Dolly.

Hi

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Hi…
My name is Dolly. I am a 17 year old girl who is trying to understand life more. Most of the time, I feel out of place and to be honest I’m just trying to live life being happy. I have another blog which is http://www.alotoftalking.wordpress.com but that one is just about life issues and I don’t feel the need to swear or say personal stuff there because my mum and her friends look at it once in a while and I wouldn’t want her to see stuff like that😊. This blog is just for me to express myself in the way I know best – writing. It’s just to show everyone that it is okay to go through stuff. It just shows that you’re human and we are just teenagers who want to learn. I hope you enjoy the blog. I really do. Please read and leave comments if you feel the need to.