WHO AM I? – ENUAMAKA

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Enuamaka is someone I have known since secondary school. I know her to be wise beyond her years and inspiring and she is someone that I greatly respect and admire. So today, I present you with Enuamaka’s story

WHO AM I?

That’s one of the most difficult questions a person has to answer, be it to themselves or to someone else. It is something I consistently ask myself and yet I am still not completely sure as to how to answer.

WHO AM I?

I am a 20 year old African woman, born to a family of individuals I consider extraordinary. I turn 21 in a few weeks and to everyone I tell, the reaction is almost always the same. I’m told I need to “turn up” since I am now “legal” and can “drink”. Apparently, the most fascinating thing about turning 21 in America is the ability to order a drink “legally”. I’ve never really been one to get excited at the concept of being able to drink alcohol because, being Nigerian, I have never been under the restrictions of a ‘drinking age’.

The thing is, with turning 21 comes a much bigger realization: I will completely and irrevocably, by all standards, be a full blown adult.
And so the question of who I am becomes a lot more difficult to answer.

WHO AM I?

Unlike before when I could just ignore it all together or give myself a non-committal answer, I am quickly approaching the age where I have to make all these big decisions. What I want to do with the rest of my life, marriage, family, all of these things suddenly become real overnight. But none of this really answers the question of who I am so let’s try this again.

WHO AM I?

Outwardly, I am a 20 year old slightly over-weight woman. I have been told that I give off the impression of being a snob. Because I am on the curvier side, it is automatically assumed that I eat a lot, a trait which can be equated to lacking self-control.

In this society, I am also not what anyone would associate with the standard of attractiveness because I have one curve too many. I don’t have what anyone would call a regular job or any job at all, so perhaps I lack focus. I am about to turn 21 but yet to start my junior year in college while my mates are graduating so perhaps I lack drive. On paper, it doesn’t seem like I have a lot going for me.

Except that I do and none of this is even remotely reflected on who I really am. So here it is.

I may be voluptuous but weight can always be lost. I’m not a snob, it’s called holding yourself in high-esteem. I do not ‘lack self-control’, I just have terribly slow metabolism. Yes that’s my excuse and I am sticking to it. The standards of beauty in today’s world are unrealistic so I don’t hold myself to any of them. I mean think about it. Take Barbie for instance, you would have to have your ribs removed to have a waist like that and then proceed to live a life of malnutrition. No thank you.

I do not work because I go to school full time while, simultaneously co-parenting not one, but two pre-teenage girls. I took 2 years off after secondary school hence the reason I am ‘behind’ but that’s irrelevant because I have an almost perfect grade point average. You see the thing is, for everything that’s wrong about me (and there are many, it’s called being human), there are about 3 other things that are absolutely right.

I am a strong, independent woman, responsible and resourceful. I dream big and chase after my dreams. I am fiercely loyal to my family and friends, I am loud (it’s the Nigerian thing), I am annoying (last kid syndrome), you take me as is or you don’t.
From reading all of this, I bet you’re thinking to yourself “darn she has her life so together, I want to be her when I grow up.” I know I am awesome (see, not conceited at all ☺) but you can be awesome too. The secret behind self-discovery is to fake it till you make it i.e go about life confident in who you think you are while you figure out who you really are.

Discovering myself and being content with who I am has been a long journey, one that never ends. Which each passing year, I learn a bunch of new things about myself. Some good, others great (again notice the humility). What is key is being able to take what I have already learned and using it to get from point A to B successfully. Don’t worry too much about who you are or where you should be as opposed to where you are. All paths aren’t created equal. I have come to realize this and embrace it.

So let’s try this one more time.

WHO AM I?

I a non-conformist, I do not bend to fit the status quo. I pave my own path and make my destiny. I love hard and play even harder. I am uniquely me, perfectly imperfect.

I AM ENUAMAKA.

Who Am I? – DOLAPO

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Today is the day and I must admit I am a little nervous but I am going to brave it out. To kick things off, it makes sense that I start with my own story so here it goes. For the next couple of days, a different story will be uploaded everyday at 8.30am (BST). Thank you

WHO AM I?

Up until a few months ago, I thought I knew the answer to this question. Actually, I knew I didn’t know but I wanted to believe that I knew. So, in order to do this, I went about my business everyday wearing a mask. This mask was on from the moment I woke up in the morning till I went to bed at night. I never took this mask off and so with time, I actually started to believe that this mask I was wearing depicted the real me.

There were certain facts about life that I knew. I knew that life could be cruel. I knew that people could come into your life and break you and then leave you to put the pieces back together. I knew that there were people that went through pain everyday and ended their lives because they couldn’t bear the pain anymore. I knew all of these as facts. However, I refused to believe that at some point in my life, I would be faced with all these facts.

I lived life trying to hide my flaws. I lived life refusing to accept that there were some things I couldn’t change. So, sometimes when I was in my bedroom alone at night, I had to face my demons. And oh, these demons were the worst kind of demons because they came from inside me. They told me that I was not good enough. They said I was not smart enough and I was not beautiful enough. They told me that everyone would reject me and I would be left all alone. I was depressed and lonely and at some point, i became suicidal. There were so many days I put the knife against my skin and there were days I used the jagged end of a broken glass to rub against my thighs.

I was very lost. My soul wandered around trying to find help. There were days that my pain was so much that I would become a completely different person. My pain became a person.

Then, my heart got broken and that feeling of rejection and never being good enough surfaced again

One day…

My soul woke up. It was like I had seen a new dawn. My eyes were opening and I saw the light and I realised that I am beautiful beyond measure and I am strong beyond belief and I deserve much more than I am given.

And yes…I have learnt to accept this woman that I see in front of the mirror everyday and I am learning to embrace my flaws and accept that there are some things I cannot change. I have also realised that every thing that has happened in my past is all bits and pieces of who I am today and the woman that I would grow to be.

So yes…

I am that woman that is so careless and clumsy that she breaks everything in her way

Yes, I am that woman that is so messy and never lays her bed in the morning

Yes, I am that woman that was molested as a kid and made to feel like an object

Yes, i am that woman that got heart broken and betrayed by the one she loved and cared about most.

Yes, I am that woman that felt rejected by everyone

Yes, I am that woman that cried myself to sleep and wanted to drown myself in alcohol

Yes, I am that woman that almost killed herself time and time again

Yes, I am that woman that loves God more than anything else in the world but most of the time loses her way

Yes, I am that woman that talks and talks more than she sleeps

Yes, I am that woman that chooses to believe that Bruno Mars is her best friend

But…

I am also that woman that wears her heart on a sleeve

I am that woman that tries to be the best friend she can be

I am that woman that is learning to believe everyday that she is beautiful

I am also that woman that is learning to understand that she deserves respect

I am that woman that tries to better herself everyday

I am that woman who was not built to break

I am that woman that has embraced her weirdness and her quirkiness

I am that woman who is learning to forgive and find peace…

I am that woman that believes so much in her strength because she is brave enough to be vulnerable

And I am that woman who will apologise when she is wrong but will never apologise for who she is

Hi, Nice to meet you,

I AM DOLAPO

Who Am I? ( Coming Soon)

Who am i?

Hi everyone,

I had an epiphany one day that led me to discover that I wasn’t living as the true person that I could be. I suddenly had this desire to discover my true self. I realised that a lot of people don’t discover their true selves until after many years.

Some people do discover themselves early in life but refuse to accept it and so they carry on a façade that later bites them in the ass.

Anyway, I reached out to a number of amazing people to answer this very interesting question…’Who Am I?…’ and in a couple of days, I’ll start sharing their stories over a time period.

I hope that this inspires people to start discovering their true selves and accept it.