Dolly Writes

Journey of a growing woman

Tag: Jesus

AYO: I find it hard to believe that you were ever depressed

It is so funny to me how fast things can change and you never even realise. That sweater you thought you loved so much two years ago becomes an item that you never even wear anymore. That heartbreak that you thought would last forever becomes a distant memory. There are a lot of things that have changed in my life in the last couple of years and I find myself in a completely different space.

As some of you may know, I am currently doing my national service (NYSC) and yesterday was our CDS which is where we talk about things that we want to do to help the community. Anyway, after our meeting yesterday, I stayed back to hang out with a friend of mine who also happens to work at Punch with me. Ayo and I have a lot in common and even though we have only known each other for a short time, we are always able to talk about anything and everything.

I had mentioned to Ayo that once upon a time in my life, I was very depressed. It is so crazy to me now that I can speak about it in the past tense because I never ever thought that I would ever get out of that hole. The thought of it seemed so impossible to me. As I mentioned this to Ayo, he told me that he finds it very hard to believe that I was ever so depressed.

When he said that, it dawned on me how far I had come. Anyone that knew me during that time knew that I was not always very happy. In fact, anyone that has been reading my blog from as far back as 2013, will know that I went through a very depressive state for a really long time. I was unhappy all the time. I cried all the time and even when I was happy, I was never really happy. It brings tears to my eyes now thinking back to those times because I found it hard to talk about what I was going through. I contemplated suicide so many times. I wanted to die.

When 2016 started, I began to notice a shift. It was a very slight one but it was a shift nonetheless. I could just feel it in my spirit that I was going to be alright. I had an amazing support system in my friends and in my siblings. I was beginning to open up more and share more and even though it was still a difficult year for me, I found it easier to handle. Towards the end of that year, I started to pray more and read my Bible more. Jesus saved my life.

By the end of 2017, I just knew that I was done feeling sorry for myself. I also decided to take each day as it comes. That is and has been my motto. I was going to take baby steps because I know that I have suffered through a mental health issue and if I let it, I would fall back into that filthy, lonely hole again. I have decided to be accepting of what each day brings and try my best not to worry about things that I cannot change. When people tell me that I have adjusted to living back in Nigeria so well, it is honestly just due to the grace of God and in just investing in my personal happiness. I try to laugh as much and as loud as I can because laughter is good for the soul and I try to do things that I enjoy. I do my best to dedicate some time to my Lord each and every day. Some days, I forget but the days I forget cannot be compared to the days I remember.

Don’t get me wrong, there are days that I get upset and I want to cry because things do not go the way that I planned. I allow myself to feel those emotions because I am human after all. However, I try my best to not allow those emotions overwhelm me.

The reason why Ayo can say what he said is because he is experiencing me at the best place that I have ever been. There are days I wake up in the morning and I am not even in the mood and I do not even want anyone to fuck with me that day. Then, I get into work and all I want to do is to tease and laugh with everyone. I can’t even help it anymore. I decided to choose happiness and now, happiness is choosing me.

For those that are going through a difficult time right now, I want you to know that this too shall pass. God got you and I love you and I am always available to listen.

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Timing

Hi guys,

Hope you had a wonderful weekend. Earlier today, I read a passage in the Bible about when the angel appeared to Mary to tell her that she was going to have Jesus. The first that I thought of was the celebration that had to have been going on in heaven. I mean, this moment was going to change everything for the entire world. I thought of how much time had passed for this to come true. God knew that this was the perfect time for this to happen and it made me feel so glad.

You know lately, I have been a little frustrated with my situation. I have been in the UK for longer than I should have and it is just frustrating because I feel so useless and I just want to go home and get my life started. However, this has taken longer than we anticipated and it has left me feeling very weird and just off.

This passage that I read though gave me a little more clarity. God is a God of order and He is certainly well versed with perfect timing. He knows when the right time to do anything is. As I said in a previous post, God is omniscient. He knows everything and He knows when and how everything should happen.

And I know that I need to trust Him.

And I know that I need to be patient.

It hasn’t been easy but I know that God will not lead me down a path that will hurt me. So, I am trying to trust in that.

I just wanted to also encourage you guys. Some times we want things to happen right now or at a particular time and when it doesn’t happen, we feel sad, frustrated, annoyed but God knows best. You know, one person I always think of when it comes to timing is the beautiful Taraji .P. Henson.

Taraji P Henson Taraji P Henson

You know, I love Taraji very much and she is a wonderful actress. I had known her for a long time and I just always wondered why she hadn’t gone mainstream yet. Why didn’t  people know this wonderful woman? She had been in some pretty big movies and she even got nominated for an Oscar on her role in The Curious Case of Benjamin Button, yet it still seemed to take time for her to really pop.

Then Empire came in 2015 and she skyrocketed to the top and I couldn’t be happier. After so many years in the business, she was on everyone’s lips. I am sure that over the years, there were moments where she wondered when it was going to happen big for her and I believe that God was just preparing her and teaching her life skills that she needed for this moment and right now, the sky is just her starting point.

So, we have to trust God because He knows everything and He won’t lead us astray. Don’t worry and don’t fear. This is something I am trying my hardest to do as well because I truly believe that God knows what He is doing and if you ever feel doubt or unbelief, ask Him to help you through that. He knows we are not perfect and He is here to help us all the way. All we need to is ask.

 

Photos: HAPPI Magazine, Shadow and Act

The Gospel of Grace

Hi guys,

So, if you recall, I mentioned in my Deuteronomy post about a conference that my church had last week. It was amazing and I got to hear the Word of God from a wonderful pastor – Pastor Creflo Dollar. I had never heard him preach before and I had such a beautiful time and a clearer view on the Word of God.

I wanted to share some of what he preached with you guys – since I love you so much – and I thought the best way to do that will be to share the notes that I took on the first day I heard him preach. It’s a little all over the place but I think it makes enough sense and I hope you can get blessed from it.

Here goes…

 

One of the greatest bondage is people bondage – Bondage to what people think of you and what they say about you.

Grace is not a curriculum or a subject; it is a person and that person is Jesus. Ephesians 1: 16-21 (AMP)

I do not cease to give thanks for you, remembering you in my prayers; [I always pray] that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of glory, may grant you a spirit of wisdom and of revelation [that gives you a deep and personal and intimate insight] into the true knowledge of Him [for we know the Father through the Son]. And [I pray] that they eyes of your heart [the very centre and core of your being] may be enlightened [flooded with light by the Holy Spirit], so that you will know and cherish the hope [the divine guarantee, the confident expectation] to which he has called you, the riches of His glorious inheritance in the saints (God’s people), and [so that you will begin to know] what the immeasurable and unlimited and surpassing greatness of His [active, spiritual] power is in us who believe. These are in accordance with the working of His mighty strength which He produced in Christ when He raised Him from the dead and seated Him at His own right hand in the heavenly places, far above all rule and authority and power and dominion [whether angelic or human] and [far above] every names that is named [above every title that can be conferred], not only in this age and world but also in the one to come.

Not knowing or Lack of knowledge can cost you. Look at Hosea 4:6a (AMP)

My people are destroyed for lack of knowledge [of My law, where I reveal my will]…

Gospel is the grace of Christ. Look at 2 Corinthians 4:3-4 (AMP). (As you read this, interchange gospel with grace. 

But even if our gospel is [in some sense] hidden [behind a veil], it is hidden [only] to those who are perishing; among them the god of this world [Satan] has blinded the minds of the unbelieving to prevent them from seeing the illuminating light of the gospel of the glory of Christ, who is the image of God.

Men can’t see the grace that came by Jesus because they are blinded by the law that came by Moses.

We are living in a different dispensation; we are living in a dispensation of grace.

Romans 6:14 (AMP)

For sin will no longer be a master over you, since you are not under the Law [as slaves] but under [unmerited] grace [as recipients of God’s favour and mercy].

Now, we live under the faithfulness of Jesus and it is for us to believe in that. He is the root and  we are the fruit bearers. We are no longer under the law.

There was a need for a second covenant because the age of the first one had passed. Look at Hebrews 8:7 (AMP)

For if that first covenant had been faultless, there would have been no occasion for a second one or an attempt to institute another one [the new covenant].

We could not live up to the first covenant.

The first one was based on our faithfulness, – if we do, God will do – The new one is based on God’s faithfulness.

The law is for people who don’t have Christ. The law was our babysitter until Christ came. Now, we don’t need the law anymore to guide us, we have the Holy Spirit to guide us.

The law was for a different age. The law never made anything perfect. Check out Hebrews 7:19 (AMP)

(for the law never made anything perfect); while on the other hand a better hope is introduced through we now continually draw near God.

We are not supposed to live under the 10 commandments. There are over 600 laws, we can’t keep them. If you break one of them, you break all of them. – 2 Corinthians 3:5-7 (AMP)

Not that we are sufficiently qualified in ourselves to claim anything as coming from us, but our sufficiency and qualifications come from God. He has qualified us [making us sufficient] as ministers of a new covenant [of salvation through Christ], not of the letter [of a written code] but of the Spirit; for the [letter of the Law] kills [by revealing sin and demanding obedience], but the Spirit gives life.

Now if the ministry of death, engraved in letters of stones [the covenant of the Law which led to death because of sin], came with such glory and splendour that the Israelites were not able to look steadily at the face of Moses because of its glory, [a brilliance] that was fading,

We can’t do it by ourselves and God was going to prove it to us. Exodus 19:8 (AMP)

All the people answered together and said, “We will do everything that the Lord has spoken.” And Moses reported the words of the people to the Lord.

[My understanding: When God gave the people of Israel his commandments, they were so sure that they would keep to it. But they couldn’t. As we have seen in the books of the Bible that we have covered, the people kept on sinning over and over again. The same with us. We can’t keep to the commandments and God proved to us that we can’t do it on our own. This is why he sent his Son, Jesus to die for us so that all our sins – past, present and future – will be completely wiped away. All you have to do is to believe in what He did for you.]

The veil of the 10 commandments is gone. – 2 Corinthians 3:14 (AMP)

But [in fact] their minds were hardened [for they had lost the ability to understand] ; for until this very day at the reading of the old covenant the same veil remains unlifted , because it is removed [only] in Christ.

You are so focused on what you can do for God and not what He has already done for you.

The gospel of grace is not about believing in his faithfulness but in our believing in His faithfulness.