DAY 4: THE GREATEST LOVE STORY

When I got back from church last week, I received a call from my sister. She asked if I was busy cause she wanted to talk. I wasn’t. So, we got to talking. In recent times, my sister and I always have the best conversations. We talk a lot about God, life, family and whatever may be bothering both of us. We offer advice when necessary and we encourage each other when necessary.

This conversation was no different. But it was too in a way because as I was talking, something came out of my mouth that was definitely not my words but that of the Holy Spirit. I can’t even remember exactly what the conversation was about but I remember saying something along the lines of: “The Bible is a love story from God to us; From beginning to the end, God has been painting a picture of His unconditional love for us.” That was a revelation for my sister and it was for me too. Of course, we knew that The Bible was important and His Word was important but hearing those words (which I 100% believe were completely inspired by the Holy Spirit) just made my heart feel so grateful and so overwhelmed by the fullness of God’s love. 

For the last week, I have mediated on those words and I felt this need to write on it and make it public.

Guys, think about it. From the first word to the last, God had been painting a picture for us. He didn’t just write us a letter; he wrote a whole entire book. A whole book to show how deep his love really goes.

God created this book for us to be a guideline in our journey to Him. He wanted us to understand Him; to understand how He works; to understand his mind. 

There are things in the Bible that are wonderful and there are things that are disappointing. You see real people in real situations. You see real human beings who were faced with difficult tasks. You see men of God like David, who still fell short. You see persecutors like Paul who had an encounter with Jesus and his entire life changed. You see women like Rahab who, though a prostitute, was instrumental in the Israelites entering the promised land. You see people like Jabez who had a difficult life and prayed an extraordinary prayer. You see Job who seemingly did everything right but still had it all taken away from him. You see the Israelites go against God time and time and time again and yet His love for them continued to burn brighter and brighter. 

If you pay attention to the Bible, you will see clues of God’s infinite wise mind at work. You see how things connect and come about in the right time. You see how He had been working all this time for our own good. And then you see Jesus, who submitted himself as a sacrifice for us. I mean, how beautiful is this book?

Some times, people expect things they see in the Bible to all be perfect forgetting that a lot of times, the Bible is showing human beings like us. The humans in the Bible all had feelings. They weren’t perfect. They failed at times. Look at Solomon. In all his wisdom, he still had no self-control when it came to women. Same with Samson. Blessed with so much strength but still weak at the hands of women. Look at Eli, a priest of God but failed at parenting. All these stories are included in the Bible to show people that experienced things that we do and how God still loved them and used them to do great things.

The Bible was not made to condemn you because Jesus has taken that away from us. We, that belong to Christ are no longer condemned. The Bible is a guideline on how to live life. We have all the examples that we need in the Bible for every situation that we experience. And we have a choice to make. God doesn’t expect us to be perfect. He knows that we can’t be. He just wants us to try. He still loves us anyway as the Bible will show. Despite David’s shortcomings – and believe me, he had A LOT of them – he is still referred to as ‘The Man after God’s heart’. God gave us free will so, he won’t force us to do anything. He loves us regardless.

Stop looking to find perfection in the Bible. The only perfection that exists in the Bible is God, Jesus, the Holy Spirit. Other than that, we have human beings who had real lives, real experiences, real feelings, real hurt, real pain, real happiness. They had their biases and their opinions. But God used a whole lot of them anyway. Doesn’t that give us some kind of comfort? That, we don’t have to be perfect for God to love us or use us? To know that He loves us still and all He wants is for us to depend and trust in Him? I know it gives me comfort. 

I hope that in reading this, you come to see the Bible for what it really is. It is a story of love that God gave to us. 

Thank you God for loving me so much!!

DAY 6: Love is a choice

Yeah, I know, I haven’t written in a few days. I told you guys that I would try to be consistent; I didn’t guarantee that I would. I have actually been really busy and I just could not get to it but tonight, I have a thought to share.

Many of you who have read my blog for years know that I am a romantic. I believe in true love and I just genuinely love, love. In the past I had never been scared to express this to those that I cared about. I mean, yeah I was scared but I always thought that it was better to say how you felt and damn the consequences.

But, I realise that when it came to the subject of love, I’ve been extremely naïve. I thought love was just all about feeling. Thank God for growth? Amen?

I’ve learned that love is a choice. A lot of people don’t understand that the heart is evil. The Bible says that the heart is “desperately wicked.” The heart seeks pleasure above all else. And that is where our feelings emanate. One has to be careful not to be deceived by it. If you say you love someone just based off of a feeling, my dear, I think you need to re-evaluate your definition of love.

I read something a few years ago that I would never forget. It’s one of my favourite quotes, from the book “Captain Corelli’s Mandolin”. It says:

“Love is a temporary madness, it erupts like volcanoes and then subsides. And when it subsides, you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion, it is not the desire to mate every second minute of the day, it is not lying awake at night imagining that he is kissing every cranny of your body. No, don’t blush, I am telling you some truths. That is just being “in love”, which any fool can do. Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident.”

Human beings are fickle. We can easily change our minds at the drop of a hat. Think of that shirt or sweater that you ‘loved’ so much four years ago, do you even remember where it is? Even if you do, how much of that love is still there? I know human beings are not shirts or sweaters but do you get my point? Will you leave this person that you claim to love if the worst thing of their lives happened to them? What if that sexy body you loved so much in your partner changes after a while, would you still love them?

All I’m saying is, love is not all about feelings. It is a choice you make every single day. You choose to love that person no matter what happens. You have to be intentional about it so that it becomes you. Remember I said that the heart seeks pleasure above all else; now if one day, the heart didn’t want that person anybody but sought after another, would you then leave that person to chase after the other?

Through the grace of God, this year, I have been wiser when it comes to love. While I think it’s good to be honest about your feelings, I also think that one needs to be wise in the manner in which they express it too. I think one needs to gauge where those feelings are coming from and ensure that they come from a place that has roots and not just from random feelings that the heart produces everyday.

In my loving, I choose people. I choose them every day.

The journey to strong mental health is a continuous one

Don’t cry for me Argentina. I’ll be just fine

My mental health has taken a hit lately. It is no secret that I suffered from depression few years ago. I was on anti-depressants for a moment and I also had suicidal thoughts. It took me a while to get over it but eventually I did through prayer, new friendships and a departure from toxicity. However, I have learned that this journey is a continuous one.

Over the last two years, I’ve had moments where I’ve felt triggered but they have always remained that – moments. Lately, it’s lasted longer than I planned. I can’t exactly figure out when it started but I’m grateful because I know the signs so I’ve caught it early before it can do any real damage.

And while it’s still pretty mild and in knowing who God is and how much he loves me, suicidal thoughts have not come into play and I believe it wouldn’t. However, it’s still hard. I feel tormented inside and I’m trying to deal with it as best as I can. For one, I’m speaking about it and praying about it and even talking to friends and I know that I would be okay soon.

I just want people to know that your mental health is very important. It is not a joke and you should take care of it as best as you can. It is very essential and don’t feel ashamed about it.

To my fellow misfits going through a hard time, you will be okay, I assure you of that. Just know that you are awesome and this shall pass too.

Don’t cry for me Argentina, I’ll be just fine. I just need to do some serious work on myself and I have come a very long way from where I was a few years ago. I am more equipped to deal with this than I’ve ever been and I know that God is making everything work together for my good and I trust Him. It was important to me that I shared this with you all so I hope you don’t mind.

In the mean time, here is a pretty picture of me for you to enjoy. Lol

37329D9D-83BC-4BFC-9AA5-CD9D3675DF9F

 

My New Podcast: Road to 30

Anyone that knows me knows that I like to talk. Lol. If you allow me, I will talk your ear off. As a matter of fact, if I meet you for the first time and I just keep on talking, take it as a compliment because it means that I like you.

I have always been interested in this area of media. The summer before I entered university, I got the opportunity to get some work experience at a radio station which was such a wonderful time for me. I had actually shared a part of my experience there on this blog. You can check it out here. So, basically this was always something that I always wanted to do.

So, since I wasn’t able to get a job working at a radio station, I wanted to take matters into my own hands by starting a podcast. I even recorded an episode and everything but fear crippled me. I just couldn’t hack it.

Then, in walked my friend, Isaac. I have known Isaac for just about a decade. I had first met him when I went along with my secondary school for some competition at his secondary school. Then, he mentioned to me that he was my very good friend, Millicent’s cousin and the rest is history. Over the years, we communicated on and off. Then, earlier this year, Millicent told me that Isaac wanted to start a podcast. And honestly, the thought crossed my mind about doing it with him but then I shut it down because I felt we were moving in two different directions.

However, a few days later, he messaged me and asked me if I was interested in starting one with him and the more I thought about it, the more sense it made to me. I felt it would be great to have a partner as opposed to doing it alone. Everything seemed to work out so well because he lives very close to me and so, meeting up was no problem at all.

Our first meeting went very well and we communicated so well. We realised that we wanted to create a show that showcased all the joys and excitements of being in our 20s and we knew that there are tons of people who would be able to relate. It took us a few months to get it all together but on April 28th, 2019, we released our very first episode.

We have gotten such great feedback from it and we are super excited to keep going and creating content. So, please, I would appreciate if you guys support our podcast by listening, subscribing and commenting. I would share the Soundcloud recordings below and I will also provide the iTunes and Spotify links for those that would prefer those avenues.

Episode 1: Is adulting a scam?

On this episode we talk about the journey of adulting and if it is everything that we thought it would be. Take a listen below:

 

Episode 2: Losing Friendships

As we get older, we notice that our circles get smaller. We discuss our experiences of some of the friendships that have fallen on the way side as we have gotten older.

Unfortunately, I am having trouble sharing the last one on this post but if you head to here, you will be directed to all the platforms that our podcast is on for your choosing. Also, please follow us on our social media platforms

Instagram & Twitter: @roadto30podcast

I love you guys. Thanks for sticking with me and forgive my shameless plugging. Lol.

 

 

I am through with the dating game.

What is it about me that says ‘ready to be played?’ 

I spent the last week being completely depressed. I slept a lot. I cried a lot and I thought a lot. One could say it was due to PMS or one could say it was due to the fact that I got approached by yet another dude who likes me enough to want to have sex with me but not enough to actually date me. Or it could be both, who knows? Crazier things have happened eh?

As you may know, I am a romantic. I am corny. I am sappy. I believe that love is one of the most meaningful things in this world but lately, I’ve started to doubt that. I mean, I still think it is but maybe just not for me. I am at my wit’s end when it comes to this dating game and at this point, I just want to simply step out of it.

I feel exhausted and worn out. Maybe it’s the PMS but I spent the last week trying to figure out what was wrong with me. What is it about me that says ‘ready to be played?’

In the last few years, I have grown to be more confident in the woman that I am but this last week showed me that I still have a long way to go. But as for this dating game, I feel done. I feel through.

And it sucks more because I have loved but haven’t ever felt that love back. So, I don’t even know what it means to be in a relationship with a person who thinks you’re the best thing since sliced bread. And I worry sometimes that I wouldn’t get that.

This is not post asking for sympathy. This is just a post that mirrors what I am going through in my life right now. And I want to know if I have sisters or brothers out there who feel the way I do. But, as of right now, I’m done.

I can’t keep doing this. It’s not even fun anymore.

His Stay Was Meant To be Temporary…

In a lot of ways, he reminds me of my father. Not an exact copy; but there are just things about him – almost like a modern, more evolved version of my father (but my father nonetheless. And the first time I noticed that, I was scared shitless!

 

I never told you guys this but when I started writing on this blog again, I vowed that I was going to be as honest as I could.

Not to say that I haven’t been honest in the past but I just think that there are a lot of things that I am afraid to talk about, especially in my writing and I want that to change.

Anyway, in keeping to the theme of honesty, I got my heart broken recently. I hate that it happened because the guy and I were never in a relationship. We only knew each other for a very short amount of time but I find that the time that I spent with him was incredibly impactful in my life; in a way that I never expected it to be. He is like a unicorn to me because I have never met anyone who could affect me the way he did in such a short period of time.

From the way it started to the way it ended has been a real life lesson so far. It taught me a lot about myself, my future and my character. I don’t regret it though because I honestly feel like I needed someone like him to push me in the direction that I needed to go in every aspect of my life. I have come to accept that he was never supposed to be in my life for a long period of time; I just needed him to get me moving to the next phase of my life.

He did get into my heart…enough to break it at least. He made me confront a lot of issues that I have. For example, in a lot of ways, he reminds me of my father. Not an exact copy; but there are just things about him – almost like a modern, more evolved version of my father (but my father nonetheless. And the first time I noticed that, I was scared shitless! I always said that I never wanted to marry a man like my father and I would avoid it at all costs. But here I was, seeing a guy who was a replica of my father and I was so drawn to him that I did not realise it early enough.

He was such a teachable moment for me and I can’t help but thank God for bringing him into my life for all He taught me through this man. For one, he is extremely talented ad being so close to him and seeing how hard he worked as a creative was so inspiring. He always advised me to step out on my own and do the things that I love. And honestly, it was while I was seeing him that I started actively thinking about my creative future. And that is one thing I’ll always be thankful to him for.

I also learnt from how he treated me. In a lot of ways, he really was my father. I had so much respect for him (and still do) and it seemed that at the beginning, he saw me for who I was (just like my father when I was younger). Then, as time went on, he rejected me for things that honestly did not even make any real sense. He accused me of not caring about him and always playing the victim and being selfish. Lol. I had to laugh here because it is so far from who I am and anyone who knows me will tell you that. I cared about him so much and I was constantly thinking about him and how special I thought he was. I had always tried to impress him because I loved and respected him and I wanted him to be proud of me but I don’t think i mattered to him as much. It hurt to realise that but I have come to accept that he was not supposed to be in my life for a long time. His stay was meant to be temporary but with a purpose and that was to teach me more about myself.

Were there mistakes I made? Sure. Could I have been less needy, clingy, emotional? Yes, I could have been but none of this was enough to warrant the way he spoke to me in the end. But it’s okay because I realised that I need to be more accepting of myself.

If i don’t see myself through God’s eyes or accept myself for who I am, how do I expect somebody else to accept me? I need to get away from that thinking that believes that I need validation from other people especially men because if I don’t, I’ll keep on meeting replicas of my father. And I can’t have that.

I am on a journey of self love, self acceptance, self improvement; and I am determined to be as authentic as I can be; to be more accepting of my flaws, quirks, imperfections; to work on things that I would like to change and just accept that I am an amazing woman.

Unrequited.

So I fell in love with a man

A very sweet man

A sweet chocolate man

With lots of ambition

Lots of talent

Lots of drive

And this man made me feel different

He made me feel like I could do anything

That I could be anything

Not because of anything he did in particular

But just by being who he is

And oh, how at peace he made me feel

But this man like any man; like most people; like everyone

Is flawed

Not in any way that I couldn’t handle

But was enough to push me away

He pushed me away…

This sweet chocolate man…

And I miss him everyday

My heart yearns for him everyday

But I have to respect his wants and desires

And stay far far away…

 

 

 

Photo Source: Tech in Asia