Dolly Writes

Journey of a growing woman

Tag: sex

I am through with the dating game.

What is it about me that says ‘ready to be played?’ 

I spent the last week being completely depressed. I slept a lot. I cried a lot and I thought a lot. One could say it was due to PMS or one could say it was due to the fact that I got approached by yet another dude who likes me enough to want to have sex with me but not enough to actually date me. Or it could be both, who knows? Crazier things have happened eh?

As you may know, I am a romantic. I am corny. I am sappy. I believe that love is one of the most meaningful things in this world but lately, I’ve started to doubt that. I mean, I still think it is but maybe just not for me. I am at my wit’s end when it comes to this dating game and at this point, I just want to simply step out of it.

I feel exhausted and worn out. Maybe it’s the PMS but I spent the last week trying to figure out what was wrong with me. What is it about me that says ‘ready to be played?’

In the last few years, I have grown to be more confident in the woman that I am but this last week showed me that I still have a long way to go. But as for this dating game, I feel done. I feel through.

And it sucks more because I have loved but haven’t ever felt that love back. So, I don’t even know what it means to be in a relationship with a person who thinks you’re the best thing since sliced bread. And I worry sometimes that I wouldn’t get that.

This is not post asking for sympathy. This is just a post that mirrors what I am going through in my life right now. And I want to know if I have sisters or brothers out there who feel the way I do. But, as of right now, I’m done.

I can’t keep doing this. It’s not even fun anymore.

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Twenty-Somethings

So, on Saturday, while I was in the Uber on my way to work (Yes, I work on Saturdays too, FML…), I started listening to Sza’s ‘Twenty Somethings’. I have listened to this song many times but I never really heard it until that day and I related with it on a completely different level.

I mean, I have to tell you that my 20s have been a whole different ball game. It has to be. It is that time in your life when you are definitely not a child anymore but you cannot necessarily call yourself an experienced adult because you are still trying to navigate adulthood and all that comes with it. It’s that period where you are introduced to life on a whole new scale.

For me, my 20s have been such an interesting journey and I am just 2 years in. I have seen myself evolve from the person that I used to be and the ways that I used to think. There are some shows that I watch now, like Insecure and Atlanta where, I can totally relate to the characters on those shows. I see myself making the same kind of mistakes they make; battling the same kind of decisions that they do about work, love, sex, life.

Not only that but my friends are in their 20s as well. The conversations that we have has changed. We spend our time talking about those same topics – work, love, sex, life – and also arguing about things going on in the news or on social media.

We also talk about our futures and while some of us have our journeys mapped out, not all of us (like me), seems to have any ideas how to go about it. That can be frustrating sometimes because you feel like you are supposed to have it all together but then, you don’t but the plan is to always take it one step at a time.

We also find ourselves confronted with new realities like the realities of marriage and children and we ask ourselves how we got to this point. Lol.

We drink lots of alcohol and we find time to hang out and we talk and when we do, we analyse and joke about the things that young adults talk about. And I love it.

I think that the freedom you feel in your 20s is unlike any other but its good because you get to enjoy that time for yourself and put your life together for when you are ready to take on bigger, bolder responsibilities.

I will miss it when it’s over but I am enjoying it now and taking it all in while learning to be the best version of myself.