Dolly Writes

Journey of a growing woman

Tag: women

His Stay Was Meant To be Temporary…

In a lot of ways, he reminds me of my father. Not an exact copy; but there are just things about him – almost like a modern, more evolved version of my father (but my father nonetheless. And the first time I noticed that, I was scared shitless!

 

I never told you guys this but when I started writing on this blog again, I vowed that I was going to be as honest as I could.

Not to say that I haven’t been honest in the past but I just think that there are a lot of things that I am afraid to talk about, especially in my writing and I want that to change.

Anyway, in keeping to the theme of honesty, I got my heart broken recently. I hate that it happened because the guy and I were never in a relationship. We only knew each other for a very short amount of time but I find that the time that I spent with him was incredibly impactful in my life; in a way that I never expected it to be. He is like a unicorn to me because I have never met anyone who could affect me the way he did in such a short period of time.

From the way it started to the way it ended has been a real life lesson so far. It taught me a lot about myself, my future and my character. I don’t regret it though because I honestly feel like I needed someone like him to push me in the direction that I needed to go in every aspect of my life. I have come to accept that he was never supposed to be in my life for a long period of time; I just needed him to get me moving to the next phase of my life.

He did get into my heart…enough to break it at least. He made me confront a lot of issues that I have. For example, in a lot of ways, he reminds me of my father. Not an exact copy; but there are just things about him – almost like a modern, more evolved version of my father (but my father nonetheless. And the first time I noticed that, I was scared shitless! I always said that I never wanted to marry a man like my father and I would avoid it at all costs. But here I was, seeing a guy who was a replica of my father and I was so drawn to him that I did not realise it early enough.

He was such a teachable moment for me and I can’t help but thank God for bringing him into my life for all He taught me through this man. For one, he is extremely talented ad being so close to him and seeing how hard he worked as a creative was so inspiring. He always advised me to step out on my own and do the things that I love. And honestly, it was while I was seeing him that I started actively thinking about my creative future. And that is one thing I’ll always be thankful to him for.

I also learnt from how he treated me. In a lot of ways, he really was my father. I had so much respect for him (and still do) and it seemed that at the beginning, he saw me for who I was (just like my father when I was younger). Then, as time went on, he rejected me for things that honestly did not even make any real sense. He accused me of not caring about him and always playing the victim and being selfish. Lol. I had to laugh here because it is so far from who I am and anyone who knows me will tell you that. I cared about him so much and I was constantly thinking about him and how special I thought he was. I had always tried to impress him because I loved and respected him and I wanted him to be proud of me but I don’t think i mattered to him as much. It hurt to realise that but I have come to accept that he was not supposed to be in my life for a long time. His stay was meant to be temporary but with a purpose and that was to teach me more about myself.

Were there mistakes I made? Sure. Could I have been less needy, clingy, emotional? Yes, I could have been but none of this was enough to warrant the way he spoke to me in the end. But it’s okay because I realised that I need to be more accepting of myself.

If i don’t see myself through God’s eyes or accept myself for who I am, how do I expect somebody else to accept me? I need to get away from that thinking that believes that I need validation from other people especially men because if I don’t, I’ll keep on meeting replicas of my father. And I can’t have that.

I am on a journey of self love, self acceptance, self improvement; and I am determined to be as authentic as I can be; to be more accepting of my flaws, quirks, imperfections; to work on things that I would like to change and just accept that I am an amazing woman.

Advertisements

I don’t want to remember

I don’t want to remember you

The ‘you’ that made my whole world spin round and round

To the point where I felt dizzy but yet and still, I did not want it to stop

 

I don’t want to remember your smile

That beautiful smile that was like sunshine on a dark cloudy day

 

I don’t want to remember how good it felt to hold you

To feel the warmth of your body against mine

 

I don’t want to remember your voice

That voice that sounded like King David had been awoken to play his harp once again

 

I don’t want to remember how glorious it felt to look at you

It was like looking at a sculpture carved by Michelangelo

So majestic; So grand

 

I don’t want to remember how much you opened my mind

To all the possibilities that this world has to offer

 

I don’t want to remember

Because when I remember, I smile a little

But then this sharp pain appears in my chest and spreads fast through out my body leaving me weak and helpless

As it takes me back to a time

When you and I felt right

 

A time when both of us were in alignment with the universe

And Orion seemed to be so clear in a city filled with lights

 

Yeah, remembering hurts…

 

 

P.S. To all my amazing readers, I feel like I owe you an explanation for my long absence and all would be explained in a separate post. Thank you for sticking with me. I love you guys so much. And there are better days ahead this year for me and for you. Believe that. Oh, and before I forget, Happy Valentines day. ❤

I celebrated women’s day in the strangest place

So, today started off a little weird. I was slightly irritated by something that had gone on in my personal life but eventually, I just let it go. However, before I could let it go, I spent half of the day trying to analyse it and understand it because I am an analytical person when it comes to people and feelings. I like to understand why people do the things they do or say the things they say and I also analyse my thoughts and behaviour as a way of processing my feelings.

Anyway, I had gone for my CDS today and after chatting with Ayo for over an hour, we decided to leave that place and go home – well, he went to the gym and I started my journey home.

So, I had just gotten to 7UP bus stop and was looking for a keke Napep or keke Maruwa – which is basically a tricycle – that could take me to Magodo gate. As I looked up, I saw three of them waiting to carry passengers  and in one of them, a woman was calling out so she could pick passengers. As soon as I saw her, I already knew that I was going to enter her keke. She called out to me and came to hold my hand to enter her keke and then she said out some words of prayer and encouragement to me. Then, she told the other male keke drivers in Yoruba, ‘This is what makes women different from men..” and it only made everyone giggle.

I have never seen a woman drive a keke. I am sure that there are women that do but this was my first time seeing one and I was in such awe of her. She was just so sweet and in control and powerful. I was just smiling from the moment the ride started till the end. As I sat there, I felt like my women’s day had been made. I felt like, this is exactly what it is all about – women understanding their strength and their power and the fact that we can do anything we want to do.

As a champion for women as I am, I felt God was giving me a gift today. It was a wonderful one and it was just lovely to see a woman just taking control of her life and not allowing anything stand in her way. That was the celebration that I needed.

Happy International Women’s Day to my women all over the world. We are beautiful, strong and powerful. I had a conversation with a friend of mine, KC a few days ago. I told him that women are powerful creatures and he said: “Omo, I tell you, you are right. Women are powerful. Anybody wey tell me say women no powerful never jam.” Lol.

I just want to encourage women out there to always stay beautiful and remember that you have so much strength and power in you just waiting to be unleashed. Carry yourself like a Queen because that is who you are. You don’t need anyone to tell you how awesome you are, you just need to believe that you are.

Happy International Women’s Day. I love you. 🙂

Breast Cancer Awareness Month

Hey beautiful people,

How are you all doing? I hope you have been doing okay. So, I am so sorry that I haven’t posted my 2 Samuel post…I have finished it but I have been so lazy ( please, pray for the strength of  God on my life) however, I am planning to post it either tomorrow or on Sunday.

Anyway, I wanted to use this platform to talk about something that affects the lives of women all over – Breast Cancer. While it affects men as well, it generally affects women more. According to cancer.org, “Breast cancer is about 100 times less common among men than among women. For men, the lifetime risk of getting breast cancer is about 1 in 1,000.”

Breast cancer is a horrible disease that happens to women and it is something that a lot of brave people have to fight through every single day. I do not know anyone personally that has gone through breast cancer but I know that it can happen to anyone. Therefore, it is very important that we know how to self examine ourselves to see if there is anything wrong because early detection can save lives.

I saw a photo on Twitter by Dr. Ben Rusani, that shows how we can check our breasts. Take a look below:

DLNTnmYVAAEwyuq.jpg-large

Please, make sure you take a minute of your day to check your breasts and determine if everything is okay. It could save your life.

I also want to take this moment to salute all the brave people that are fighting this horrible disease each and everyday and those have survived it, you are amazing and wonderful and I thank God for you.

And to the beautiful ones that we have lost to it, continue to rest in the bosom of our Lord and I pray for peace and comfort for your family always.

Love,

Dolly.

 

Photo: Handmade By Heroes